Want the rundown on this week’s releases? You’ve come to the right place. Bad luck if you were hoping for zesty chicken recipes.
SUCKER PUNCH: Zack Snyder’s Inception as written by horny 12-year-olds. As my friend Bret says, Zack Snyder’s business card should say, “No, seriously, guys, I’m not jerking off to this stuff, I swear.”
RottenTomatoes Score: 21%. Yikes, it’s gone down nine points since yesterday.
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“It’s bloody but without menstrual awareness; just as its musical pretext neglects to express genuine feminine trauma or yearning.” –Armond White. [“Menstrual awareness?” God, I love you, Armond White.]
“My personal rule of film enjoyment goes a little like this: you can be miserable or pointless, but you can’t be both. Sucker Punch works hard to be both.” -Laremy, Film.com.
“A wonderfully wild provocation – an imperfect, overlong, intemperate and utterly absorbing romp through the id that I wouldn’t have missed for the world.” -Betsey Sharkey, LA Times.
Armchair Analysis: Yes, pretty much everyone hates it and it’s probably going to suck, but most of us are going to see it anyway. After that, we’ll meet back here on Monday to bitch about it. It’s movie blogging at its essence, don’t deny it.
DIARY OF A WIMPY KID: RODERICK RULES: It’s about a wimpy kid, you see, as well as someone named “Rodrick.”
RottenTomatoes: 40%
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“I didn’t laugh much, nor did my 10-year-old companions, but nobody had their soul crushed by the experience. This is the film industry’s Hippocratic oath: First, crush no souls.” -Michael Phillips.
“Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules is full of lively slapstick.” -Mary Pols, Time Magazine.
“Seventh-graders are far cooler and more anarchic than depicted in this often-dopey movie, which is aimed at more of a fourth-grade sensibility.” -Kyle Smith, New York Post.
Armchair Analysis: It would be difficult for me to care about this less.
OTHER STUFF OPENING: These probably aren’t playing in your town and don’t sound that interesting, so I’m not doing write ups of them. Sorry.
- Miral
- My Perestroika (The Knack gets political)
- Peep World
- White Irish Drinkers
- The 5th Quarter
Tune in next week for Source Code, Hop, and Super. My prediction for Sucker Punch‘s opening: $29 million. And keep in mind, this is based on absolutely nothing.