Matt Taibbi Vs. The Giant Vampire Squid, Part 856
Woman Cries Over In-N-Out Burger

So… we’re really going through with this, huh?

By 05.12.11

You see? This is the problem with novelty ideas in 2011.  THEY NEVER. F*CKING. DIE.  Those Charlie Sheen “WINNING” t-shirts went from cute to obnoxious before the ink was even dry and yet you STILL see people wearing them (at least in Vegas).  And like a Charlie Sheen Flaming Torpedoes of Truth Reunion Tour, The Expendables is back.  It’s scheduled for August 17th, 2012, and it sounds like Mickey Rourke won’t be returning.

The Expendables are back and this time it’s personal! [Wasn’t it personal last time? -Ed.] After Tool (Mickey Rourke), the heart and soul of the Expendables, is brutally murdered on a mission, his comrades swear to avenge him. They’re not the only ones who want blood. Tool’s beautiful young and wild daughter Fiona embarks on her own revenge mission, complicating matters when she is captured and ransomed by a ruthless dictator plotting to destroy a resistance movement. Now Barney and the Expendables must risk everything to save her and humanity. [SlashFilm]

Tool is dead?! Call Toll Road and Han Seoul-Oh and the rest of the Silly Name Brigade! THIS SUMMER! SYLVESTER STALLONE BUILDS YOU A HOUSE ON THE STREET OF YOUR IDEALIZED CHILDHOOD!  YOU’LL BE ABLE TO LIVE THERE FOREVER, OFF THE FAT OF THE LAND, WITH BUTTER, AND RABBITS, AND NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK T-SHIRTS, AND SCHWARZENEGGER MOVIES!  IT WILL BE ALL THE THINGS YOU REMEMBER FONDLY, ONLY REAL! POGS! SLAP BRACELETS! PUBERTY! GRUNTING! IT’S ALL THERE, FOR YOUR NO-LONGER-EMBITTERED ENJOYMENT! (youthful innocence not included).

[poster via Firstshowing]


TAGSPOSTERSSly StalloneSYNOPSESTHE EXPENDABLES 2unnecessary sequels

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