The Tony Awards happened last night, and if you’re so inclined, you can read about all the winners here (CONGRATULATIONS, JOHN LARROQUETTE! EVERYTHING’S COMIN’ UP NIGHT COURT!) and watch videos here. But for our purposes, we’d rather focus on this here picture of 71-year-old Al Pacino, showing up to the event with his 31-year-old girlfriend and wearing a righteous headband like a boss (CAT SCRATCH FEEVAH, RAN NANT REEEER…). I’ve been sitting here trying come up with the perfect caption for this thing, but unfortunately I’ve drank so much coffee that I’ve lost the ability to think laterally. I went to the bullpen, and Danger Guerrero surprised me with a Carlito’s Way reference:
“You think you big time, you gonna f*ckin’ DYE big time.”
Not bad, not bad. Meanwhile, all I could come up with was an actual quote from Scent of a Woman:
“Yes, Mr Sims, there’s only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing: pussy. Hah! Are you listenin’ to me, son? I’m givin’ ya pearls here.”
Accompanied by this visual:
I know you guys can do better.