From Humbert Humbert in Lolita to Caesar Borgia, Jeremy Irons has made a career out of playing lecherous older dudes (to say nothing of Scar in the Lion King or the bad guy in Die Hard 3). But now peoples’ panties are all in a bunch because he made a few provocative statements on the subject of sexual harassment in an interview recently. Relax, people, it’s called understanding your subject. Just ask that Jew-hater Matt Damon. Said Irons of sexual harassment suits:
“There are too many people in power with too little to do, so they churn out laws to justify their jobs. I hope it’s a rash that will wear itself out.”
“And I think I know a little something about rashes, am I right? Calm down, sweetheart, you’re gonna give yourself wrinkles.”
“Most people are robust,” he said. “If a man puts his hand on a woman’s bottom, any woman worth her salt can deal with it. It’s communication. Can’t we be friendly?”
“What? Come back, baby, I thought we were talking. That was just my hand saying hi to your titty.”
But on a serious note, is it just me, or was the grossest part of that statement the fact that he called it a “bottom?” British people are so creepy. Also, we have no evidence that the guy’s actually groped anyone, can we stop assuming every dork who plays devil’s advocate in a throwaway comment for two seconds is part of some massive, paternalist conspiracy? Or as Salon calls it, “a disturbing, if not entirely new trend: men who dress up their chauvinism using the terminology of victimhood.” Oh f*ck off. He’s an old dude, bullsh*tting over brandy and cigars. No need to plan a Take Back the Night Rally. Besides, if the ladies take to the streets, who’s going to finish all this baking? (*high-fives Burnsy, shotguns Coors*)