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9.12 The Cooler

Comments of the Fortnight

By 09.12.11

With the holiday last week, I was too busy drunk to do a Comments of the Week, so this installment of Comments of the Week covers TWO weeks. I don’t have new shirts printed yet, so you’ll have to make do with Rad Poodle as the banner pic for one more week, and the winner content with just bragging rights. Again, if you’re new, the way this works is, we use the Comments of the Week post comments section (below) to nominate comments for comments of the week, throughout the week. If you see something funny, just copy and paste it below. Then, come next Sunday/Monday, it’s in the running for Comments of the Week. Got it? YAY!

This week, I couldn’t decide, so I’m naming two winners in honor of the two-week commenting period. First, Stallonewolf from Taylor Lautner and The Rock in Talks to Play David and Goliath:

Stallonewolf says: COME AT ME BROLIATH!

I found myself wanting to refer to someone as “Broliath” at least three times this week, that has to count for something. For our second winner, we go to Larry in the post about Jack White’s Collaboration on an Insane Clown Posse Song about Mozart Licking Ass:

Larry says: White should work with them on a Pagliacci parody. Using clowns to clown a clown would be totally BRAHMS.

That’s just well-played. I don’t know what else there is to say. Onomatopoeia puns are always welcome.

And now for the honorable mentions…

Proving that our favorite comments aren’t always *poop jokes and dildo puns (*also the Bizarro World Frasier theme song), Nic Cage in a Bear Suit got all informational at us in the Best Headline Ever post, in response to me bitching about the lack of a consistent spelling of Khadafy. And it was great.

Nic Cage in a bear suit says:
From the AP’s stylebook editors:
“AP initially spelled his surname “Khadafy” on the advice of Arabic experts. That changed in 1986 when he sent letters to American schoolchildren signed in Arabic script over his typed name: Colonel Moammar El-Gadhafi. AP decided to drop the “El” — since at the time it was our style to not use the definite marker of many Arab names — and went with “Gadhafi.” AP’s general policy is to spell names based on a person’s preference.”

The problem here lies in the fact that, although most of us refer to the AP stylebook to answer these questions, certain papers such as The New York Times, Washington Post, L.A. Times and a few others either don’t follow it at all or use it only loosely, preferring to adhere to their own in-house stylebooks that I’m sure are just sooooooooo much better. About 99 percent of the time, their stylebooks aren’t different from the AP’s, but with Arabic and Russian transliterations especially, it’s a total clusterf*ck.

And @Ragnarok, we rename foreign cities and countries because that’s how they are rendered in English, and newspapers in the U.S. are printed in English. You would not believe the arguments that were had when NBC decided to call the host city of the 2006 winter Olympics “Torino,” which is the Italian form, instead of “Turin,” which is its English translation.

The “Beijing/Peking” differentiation is a result of a difference in pronunciation in Mandarin Chinese. “Beijing” is the transliterated form from the most current widely used form of the language, while “Peking” was coined by French missionaries 400 years ago, so it would make sense that French coverage would still use that name.
Sorry, I realize most of your questions were in jest, but the times where I get to bust out my working skills are so few here at this bastion of blogs.

/epic story, bro
//NOT THE BEES

See, wasn’t that helpful?

From Chuck Norris and JCVD join The Expendables 2:

Crapbasket says: I haven’t been so blasé about something since my HIV test came back as a false positive.

Yes, that was a callback, but I think it would’ve been just as funny either way.

From The Human Centipede 2 Has a Trailer (Yes, It’s About Eating Poop):

Mo Charlo says: THE ARISTOKRAUTS!

Indeed.

From Real Maid Claims ‘The Help’ is Her Life:

Morton Salt says: Give me a break. As if she’s the only black maid named Abilene who has a dead kid. I’ve got three maids and I’m pretty sure at least two of them are named Abilene.

And finally, from Nick Nolte Tells Us All about Angry Boyfriends and Cocaine:

The Fek’lhr says: Oddly enough, in a recent interview with Justin Long a similar story cropped up: “Man, you wouldn’t believe the night I had! There was more Mountain Dew, more Doritos, a guy that had been LARPing for 7 years straight and never showered, this girl dressed like Sailor Moon that looked at me, and a Care Bear furry tried to yiff me! We barely got out of that LAN party with our DKP!”

I’m pretty sure that was funny, but I admit I had to look up like three of those words on Urban Dictionary. So I guess Justin Long is the anti-Nick Nolte now? He wouldn’t have been my first choice, but I’ll go with it.

Let’s do it, guys. Let’s make this week the sexiest Sailor Moon Care Bear yiff LAN party the internet has ever seen.


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