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Sean Penn Totally Got Those American Hikers Released, Bro

By / 09.27.11

So I just read a CNN story entitled “Sean played a role in hikers’ release from Iran.” Now I’m full of questions. Perhaps you can help. Take this ride with me.

Actor Sean Penn helped play a role in securing this week’s release of two U.S. hikers imprisoned in Iran for more than two years, his representative confirmed Friday.

His representative “confirmed?” That implies that someone else had previously suggested, or suspected, that Sean Penn helped play a role. Quit skipping steps, CNN, I’m lost.

The report was first published by the Reuters news agency, which cited a source close to the release process as saying that Penn flew to Venezuela months ago to speak about the hikers’ plight with President Hugo Chavez, an ally of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Mara Buxbaum, a rep for Penn, confirmed the Reuters report but declined to provide additional details.

Venezuelan state media reported Friday that Chavez was part of the mediation process that resulted in the release of Josh Fattal and Shane Bauer on Wednesday.

Okay, let’s break this down: Hugo Chavez took credit for getting the hikers released through state-owned Venezuelan media. Sean Penn went to see Hugo Chavez a few months earlier. Ergo, Sean Penn played a role in the hikers’ release. Because, after two years and a full court trial including conviction on espionage charges, “Hugo Chavez says that Sean Penn says that he vouches for these dudes and that they’re cool” was what finally got them realized.

I… I can’t tell if that story is retarded or the world is.


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