Opening in Wide Release This Weekend: The Ides of March, Real Steel
Opening in Limited Release This Weekend: The Human Centipede 2
FilmDrunk Recommends: 50/50
This is a pretty tame movie weekend despite huge star power, so the obvious expectation should be that The Ides of March will be the critical darling that is outperformed by Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots: The Movie because your kids think that a robot punching another robot in the balls is HILARIOUS. What say you, on with the lofty expectations?
The Ides of March
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 79% critics, 84% audience “want to see”
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“In a raw and riveting face-off in a hotel kitchen, Mike and Stephen have it out on issues that really are life-and-death. Clooney knows how to ignite sparks and build momentum. And he hands the terrific Gosling an all-stops-out role that challenges him on every level – his ravaged face traces the line from compromise to corruption.” – Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
“Gosling is the standout among the A-list ensemble, delivering a riveting, intensely focused performance. He has a wonderful moment when Myers is faced with a fateful decision. The next scene is silent, a medium shot of him walking down the street. From the cadence of his walk, we know the choice he’s made. That, ladies and gentlemen, is an actor at work. – Colin Covert, Minnesota Star Tribune
Armchair Analysis: Nobody ravages Baby Goose’s face. This film is obviously going to receive high praise and generate a great deal of Oscar buzz, but is this really a great time for a political drama? I’d rather watch Pauly Shore in Hail to the Queef the way this country is going, but then… I just can’t say no to Silver Fox and Baby Goose.
Seriously, even my panties get moist looking at this picture…
Lights, camera, whacktion! AMIRIGHT???
Real Steel
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 59% critics, 80% audience “want to see”… I know, I’m shocked, too.
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“The corresponding close-ups of wet eyes (one pair belongs to Evangeline Lilly, who plays the tough mechanic bittersweet on Charlie) are funny, and the scenes of Goyo happily doing the robot with Atom made my eyes wet. The movie is corny enough to remind you that boxing rings are square.” – Wesley Morris, Boston Globe (Real Steel made this guy cry. Laugh at him. – Ed.)
“It is earsplitting, crowd-pleasing, and, no doubt, ‘bot-pleasing, too. If you told me I would get emotionally and viscerally involved in two machines punching the hard drives out of each other, I would tell you you were crazy. I would be wrong.” – Carrie Rickey, Philadelphia Inquirer
Armchair Analysis: So that’s two professional movie critics who said they were moved to tears by a movie about robots boxing. You know what? I want this movie to do well, because I want a sequel. That’s right – robot arm wrestling for child custody. God knows Peter Cetera could use the work. Get the tissues ready, sissy movie critics.
Vince’s Note: I wrote it after Burnsy made this week’s guide, but here’s my review.
The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 19% critics, 65% audience “want to see”
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
There are more victims in his digestive daisy chain, trapped in a warehouse. And there is much more gore: Martin prefers a crowbar and household tools to anesthesia and a scalpel. (Dental details are especially excruciating.) – Andy Webster, New York Times (major bonus for ‘daisy chain.’ – ed.)
By making his killer a disgusting, socially stunted British horror nerd who is obsessed with the original film, Six ostensibly seems to be saying: “He is you. He’s the worst of you.” Or maybe he’s satirizing the misguided notion that movies like this inspire copycat crimes. It’s hard to tell whether he made “The Human Centipede 2” to titillate his audience or to mock it. And after a while, it is hard to care. – Christy Lemire, Associated Press
Armchair Analysis: If this is your cup of tea, then have at it. I’m more concerned with the film’s star, Ashlynn Yennie, who also starred in the first Human Centipede. I mean, if her goal is to become Hollywood’s leading A2M actress, then follow that dream. But there are other roles out there for a cute brunette. Just a thought.