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Zac Efron is the Dolphin Tale of Marine veterans

By / 12.09.11

"YES! PIG-SEX ME, ZAC EFRON! FORAGE FOR MY TRUFFLES!"


Oh hell yes. I’ve been waiting a long time for this, and finally it’s here, the trailer for The Lucky One, starring Zac Efron as a veteran of three tours in Iraq (OOH RAH! SEMPER FI! HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL DO OR DIE!), adapted from the novel by Nicholas Sparks. HE’S THE THOMAS KINKADE OF NOVELISTS! PREPARE FOR VERBAL LUMINESCENCE!

U.S. Marine Sergeant Logan Thibault (Efron) returns from his third tour of duty in Iraq, with the one thing he credits with keeping him alive-a photograph he found of a woman he doesn’t even know. Learning her name is Beth (Schilling) and where she lives, he shows up at her door, and ends up taking a job at her family-run local kennel. Despite her initial mistrust and the complications in her life, a romance develops between them, giving Logan hope that Beth could be much more than his good luck charm. [Apple]

Ahh, but Beth already has a husband. Hmmm, I wonder how they handle that one…

Of course! Her husband has a flat top and beats her! Wouldn’t life be so much simpler if every time you fell for a chick who was already spoken for she was a domestic abuse victim so that you could feel good about breaking up her marriage? Of course, domestic abuse isn’t the only crime in this trailer…

HOLY DOG SHIT, LOOK WHAT THE CAT COUGHED UP! GET A LOAD OF THE CURL HELMET ON THAT MOP HANDLE! YOU COULDN’T HIDE THAT FRIZZY RAGGEDY ANDY-LOOKING MOP OF SHIT UNDER A FOAM COWBOY HAT!

My God. Speaking as someone who was cursed with an unfortunate pile of blond cat regurge exactly like that, if my mom ever let me outside with that stage of obvious barber neglect, I would’ve called Child Protective Services on her ass myself. This woman is a child abuser, Zac Efron. She must be stopped.


TOPICS#TRAILERS
TAGSNICHOLAS SPARKSUGLY KIDSzac efron

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