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Woman literally wipes ass with $30 million painting, celebrates by peeing herself

By / 01.05.12

It looks like we’ve already got one solid lock for the FilmDrunk Memorial Drunkard of the Year, 2012 Edition. Probably nothing will ever beat this guy, but Carmen Tisch here made a valiant play for it, on the basis of sheer property damage alone. She was in the middle of admiring a $30 million Clyfford Still painting at the Clyfford Still Museum in Denver, and did what any true art lover would do: she rubbed her bare ass on it “before collapsing in a heap and urinating on herself.” My sources tell me she went to the Wexler-Cavendish Finishing School for Debutantes and summered in St. Barth’s. “This one’s a real gem!” -her neck tattoo.

A 36-year-old Denver woman, apparently drunk, leaned against an iconic Clyfford Still painting worth more than $30 million last week, punched it, slid down it and urinated on herself, according to a criminal case against Carmen Lucette Tisch.

“You have to wonder where her friends were.” said Lynn Kimbrough, a spokeswoman for the Denver District Attorney’s Office, said Wednesday.

That’s the beauty of Project Mayhem, everyone contributes in their own way.

“It doesn’t appear she urinated on the painting or that the urine damaged it, so she’s not being charged with that.”
Tisch allegedly committed the offense with her pants pulled down, according to the police report, and struck the painting repeatedly with her fist.
Damage to the painting — “1957-J-No. 2.” — is estimated at $10,000.
The painting, which is nearly 9 1/2 feet tall and 13 feet wide, is estimated between $30 million and $40 million by the museum.

I don’t know how she’s going to afford that, she doesn’t even have a pot to piss in! (*slips on banana peel, doused with silly string*)

Whether the damage affects the painting’s value, however, depends on several factors, including whether it remains a museum piece or goes on the market. Sometimes such damage becomes part of piece’s history, Ivar Zeile, owner of Plus Gallery in Denver said.

“It does damage the piece, though, even people just knowing that happened,” he said. [DenverPost]

She should’ve pissed on the guy who decided that cow’s hide is worth $40 million. Art is stupid, long live Project Mayhem. (*shits on cop car, passes out*)


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