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This Week in Posters and Publicity Stills

By / 03.07.12
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Man, I'm sick of musicians stealing all the good pussy


THIS WEEK IN POSTERS: This week, I expanded This Week in Posters's mandate to include not only movie posters, but set photos and publicity stills as well. That way I could include this shot (via TheFilmStage) from the Coen Brothers' Inside Llewelyn Davis. That one's got Justin Timberlake, Carey Mulligan, and this cat (the guy holding him is Oscar Isaac, but who's keeping track). Most weeks, that would be the highlight, but this week, we've also got Val Kilmer on a BMX. BELIEVE IT!

Here's Justin Timberlake on the set of the same film. Part of me thinks, "Really? Justin Timberlake gets to be in Coen brothers movies now?" But I suppose he's better than C-Tates, and Ryan Gosling can't be in everything. (*sigh*) I wish you could be in everything, Baby Goose.

[via JustJared, obviously]

Here's Carey Mulligan on the same set. If you look at her from the waist down, she looks like my grandpa and/or every hipster. STOP WEARING MY GRANDPA'S SHOES! HE'S VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT THEM!

Interesting design. I see the images are projected onto magic ectoplasm given off by the protagonist's denim, very novel. Also, I realize I'm probably not the target audience for this film, but it is my firm belief that no film should ever star more than one musical act whose name ends in a pluralized Z.

Here's Val Kilmer getting his BMX on in Harmony Korine's The Fourth Dimension. If you don't think we'll be using this picture in Photoshops for years to come, you don't know us very well.

In the short, a motivational speaker named Val Kilmer (played by Kilmer, natch) delivers a sermon at a roller rink. [via ThePlaylist]

Oh, Harmony, you had me at "a motivational speaker named Val Kilmer." That wardrobe is perfect. It's exactly how I imagine Brian Johnson from AC/DC dresses on the weekends.

Sidenote: What is it with Harmony Korine and BMX bikes?

A documentary about transgender comedians? Gee, I wonder if their comedy will shed light on the humorous differences between genders! Women trapped in men's bodies be shoppin!

Of course, that I got all that from a three-color poster is a credit to the designer.

This is hands down my favorite poster design of this week, and not just because I think doing drugs makes you cool.

Also, "Junkie" is my nickname in Latin America. Jaja, good one, Yay.

Whoever designed this made it look hella Christian. And not nice, serving-food-to-the-poor Christian, I mean like cheesy dentist's office Christian. I can't even look at that tagline without hearing the Creed guy underbite sing it.

All right, serious question, what person on the planet isn't creeped out by goth Sean Penn and his horrifying doe-eyed f*ck-me face? If you gave me the choice between seeing this or The Iron Lady again, I might actually have to think about it.

Jesus Christ, is Adam Sandler eight feet tall? He looks like Andre the Giant in this picture.

FUN FACT: Brandon Trost, the elder of the Trost Brothers who wrote and directed The FP (sister Sarah was the costume designer), was the cinematographer on That's My Boy (as well as Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance). (*the more you know music*)

Yo, what's up with the weird colored font in the critic quotes? Did someone get kidnapped by Pete Hammond? HOLY SHIT, ONE OF THE QUOTED CRITICS IS PETE HAMMOND! I know this is probably wishful thinking, but I would hope anyone who cares about critic quotes would know that Pete Hammond is a studio flunkie whose opinion is meaningless.

Oi! Jason Stafam eah. Dis is da postah fa moy new fiwm, Safe, now isn it. As you conts can cleahly see, da tagloine is 'Ee's da key dat cracks da code,' innit. What da puntahs mean boy dat, is dat Da Stafe most loikely wiw droive a flash shoiny sazz wagon inta da lock, fill it full a fit birds, an den knob dem untiw da bloody safe pops open, now won' Oy? Da red papah wiv all da numbahs on it in da background? Dat is from when dis bloke troid ta hack inta Da Stafe's Mobiyew Phone, an Da Stafe 'ad ta bash 'im ta deff wiv is own computah, now didn' Oy. 

I would like this concept more if ParaNorman was about a kid in a wheelchair who solved crimes. He should be a kid in a wheelchair holding a giant magnifying glass. I want a million dollars for that.

Here's the first poster from On the Road, which also released a batch of publicity stills on their Facebook page. It's amazing that it took 60 years to turn On the Road into a movie, and when it finally became one, it starred the chick from Twilight. Upon hearing the news, Jack Kerouac drank himself to death a second time.

I'm all for the guy from The Fall and The Cell doing a Snow White movie, I just wish it was a little less... dry, you know? I mean have a little fun with it.

Additionally: HOW F*CKING HARD IS IT TO LINE UP THE PEOPLES' NAMES WITH THEIR PICTURES?

This is one of the more poorly-Photoshopped posters I've seen, and I'm the king of poor Photoshop.

...And yet this one makes that last one look like a Dali painting.

"Hmm, I like the mirror concept, but what if we hung the mirror on a beige wall?"

Men in Black 3 was famously shot without a finished script, and it looks like they're working equally hard on the posters.

Get it? Tommy Lee Jones is old K, and Josh Brolin is young K. This movie is going to be the shiznit. (Yes, that was a reference to the fact that Will Smith used the word "shiznit" in the trailer).

Luke Wilson and Samuel L. Jackson? Well this is sure to be good. I've never known either of those guys to slum it for an easy paycheck.

"Nicky Loves Drugs" was my indie band. "Daddy Loves Pussy" was our first single. Additionally, Jackie is a punk, Judy is a runt, they both went to Berlin and joined the Ice Capades.

"What's that you say? I'm in a Tim Burton film? I can't believe it!"

In the film [Dark Shadows], she plays Dr. Julia Hoffman, a psychiatrist called in to help the Collins clan matriarch Elizabeth Collins Stoddard (Michelle Pfeiffer) sort out the troubles that are plaguing her family.[ThePlaylist]

I don't know what this one's supposed to be about, but "Dark Shadows" could describe just about any Tim Burton movie.

Here's a new one from The Raven, in which John Cusack plays, no joke, a reimagined Edgar Allen Poe helping detectives solve a series of murders based on his stories. I've said this before, but this could not possibly sound any more like an idea cooked up by Charlie Kaufman's brother Donald in Adaption. Jesus, what's next, Gladiator: Dracula Detective? ...What's that, you say? OH COME ON!

[Shocktillyadrop]

This is a poster for Despicable Me 2, which I assume is about anthropomorphic testicles.

Here's a Japanese poster for Pixar's Brave, which suddenly looks a lot like Lord of the Rings. According to Hollywood, two out of three girls are redheads.

Gird your loins, this is the first of about four Battleship posters. I guess the bad guys look like the dudes from Halo in this one. They're probably all gross and full of tentacles under the suits. Just once I'd like to see an alien invasion movie where all the aliens look like Stanley Tucci.

Here's admiral Rihanna, reporting for business. If she doesn't play the "magic negro" in this I will eat my own head. I also like how she's subtly leaning away from the monstrous phallic symbol.


Oh whatever, Skarsgard, screw you for being so handsome. Anyone else would look like a third grader in that haircut.

Whoa, was Liam Neeson too busy knife fighting wolves to a get a picture of him with the hat and they had to photoshop one on? Those poor wolves.

"COOME HERE, YA MANGY FOOKERS!"

These kids today, they can't even finger bang right.


Actually, that's Juno Temple and... uh.. Jena Malone? in Jack and Diane. What's that about, you ask?

Jack and Diane, two teenage girls, meet in New York City and spend the night kissing ferociously. Diane's charming innocence quickly begins to open Jack's tough-skinned heart. But, when Jack discovers that Diane is leaving the country in a week she tries to push her away. Diane must struggle to keep their love alive while hiding the secret that her newly awakened sexual desire is giving her werewolf-like visions. [IMDB]

Ferocious lesbians and werewolves? Okay, I'm listening.

"It's a little ditty, bout Jack an' Diaaaaaane. Two lesbians fightin' werewolves, in the heart land. Something something strap on, backseat of Jackie's Suburu."

[Pic via Indiewire]

[All other posters via IMPA unless otherwise noted]

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TOPICSTHIS WEEK IN POSTERS
TAGSBattleshipBMX VAL KILMERbravedark shadowsdespicable me 2FOURTH DIMENSIONINSIDE LLEWYN DAVISJACK AND DIANEJUNKIEMEETING EVILMen In Black 3MIRROR MIRRORON THE ROADPARANORMANSAFESALMON FISHING IN YEMENthat's my boyTHE RAVENTHE STATHTHIS MUST BE THE PLACETOUCHBACKTRANSMEDIANWE THE PARTY

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