Will topless Charlize Theron convince you to see Snow White & the Bella Swan CGI Clusterfart?

By: 03.19.12

The queen bathes in Gargoyle jizz

As part of Hollywood’s ongoing boner for anything with name recognition that they don’t have to pay royalties for, there are two competing Snow White projects opening this year, Mirror Mirror at the end of the month, and Snow White and the Huntsman June 1st. The latter, written by HOT screenwriter Evan Daugherty and directed by Planet of the Apes Rupert Sanders, just released an extended trailer on Xfinity, and if you ever wondered what it’d look like if one of those glittery dragons from an Affliction shirt queefed an entire movie, join me after the jump. But before you get wowed by the fancy CGI, keep in mind that the ACTUAL PLOT of this movie is that Kristen Stewart is the fairest maiden in all the land, so the evil Queen sends Thor to kill her, but instead he teaches her how to fight and Bella Swan leads an armed rebellion like Joan of Arc.  Oh well, at least Cinderella’s not a sex slave in a fifties whorehouse.

XFinity via FirstShowing.

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