Knocked Up Number Two!
Here's the first poster for Judd Apatow's Knocked Up spinoff, This is 40, starring Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd (trailer here). If I'm not mistaken, this image is a reverse of the scene in Knocked Up where Leslie Mann is taking a dump while Paul Rudd brushes his teeth. And then of course there's the famous poop scene in Bridesmaids, a scene supposedly championed by Bridesmaids producer, you guessed it, Judd Apatow. Because to Judd Apatow, marriage means someone's always taking a poop.
Though the iPad part does hit a little close to home. Does the iPad have a taking-a-dump setting where you can hold it flat on your lap without the picture trying to reorient? It really should. "iPad: It's the shitter newspaper of the future!"
Oh my God. Everything about this poster is amazing. Has anyone outside of a movie ever thought a polka-dot head scarve and giant sunglasses would be a good disguise? Besides the Unabomber? I also enjoy the idea that the only thing that could ratchet up the wackiness of Tyler Perry dressed like a lady is Eugene Levy dressed like a Frenchman. NAILED IT. And this time around, Madea goes to New York, because Madea is like the Smurfs or the Muppets now. Really, there's no way this could not be good.
Sidenote: IS IT REALLY SO F*CKING HARD TO MATCH THE NAME WITH THE CORRESPONDING ACTOR??? If Tyler Perry truly can't bear to have his name listed second, put f*cking Eugene Levy on the right. It can't be that complicated. Jesus Christ, what is wrong with people.
Here's Vin Diesel shirtless on the set of Riddick. I think the message here is that he ate that entire goat and then did some bench presses.
And here we have the latest character poster for Expendables 2, featuring Adkins, the set dietician.
Hold on, I'm being handed a note... Okay I'm being told that this is actually Scott Adkins, whom you may remember from... uh... well, okay, you probably won't remember him, but long story short, he's this dude.
GI Joe: Retaliation: Starring The Rock, Bruce Willis, Masky Maskerson, and a girl!
Okay, so it's Adrianne Palicki. And I do enjoy that the title is like a big arrow pointing at her puffed-out titties.
Oh, werr werr werr, Mistah Joe. It rook rike we arso have guy in mask and a girr sticking boobs out.
Sidenote: I bet in real life, guys with scars over their eyes that are super nice to everyone all the time just to compensate.
Oh nooooes! I bet one of those dog tags was C-Tates! (*pours baby oil out of the ground*)
"This the most advanced body armor in the world. It's built to withstand anything that doesn't hit you in the arms, legs, crotch, or head.
This set picture is pretty boring, but if nothing else, it should serve as a reminder that they're actually going through with another Die Hard movie, and it's actually called A Good Day to Die Hard.
Yippie kai yay, grandmotherf*cker? Sorry, I got nothing.
Another shot from A Good Day to Die Hard. It's set in Russia, where John McClane goes to see his son (Jai Courtney), and they become the most wanted men in the country. As you can see, Cole Hauser plays one of the bad guys. Dude frickin' hates tires.
I don't know how you put "Jesse James" on a poster without an accompanying picture and expect people not to assume you mean that dopey motorcycle guy who banged the nazi chick. Apparently it's a different Jesse James. And Kaley Cuoco is a guy from Big Bang Theory. Aren't you glad you know this? Are you dying with anticipation yet?
Seeing Russell Crowe in that hat got me all excited that they'd finally made a Master and Commander sequel Yes! Master and Commander rules! But it turns out, it's just Crowe as Inspector Javert in Les Miserables. Oh well, as long as there are still boats and cannons and stuff, I'm sure it will be-- what's that, you say? It's a musical? Aw, goddammit.
Another one from Les Miserables. The sets actually look really cool. All the more reason not to let people randomly break into song on them, if you ask me.
Yes, Nadya Suleman is the Octomom. Which means that I'm sure this will be a film of the highest caliber.
I like to imagine David Carradine's agent trying to talk him out of this. "Don't do it! It'll destroy your legacy!"
Make ooouuuuu-- oh, excuse me. Carry on.
This one's from Brian De Palma's Passion, starring Rachel McAdams (moar butt shots, plz) and Noomi Rapace. Honest question: What's Brian De Palma's last good movie? Carlito's Way? The Untouchables? I'm pretty sure I saw Black Dahlia, but I don't remember a thing about it.
Passion, a thriller based on the late Alain Corneau's acclaimed 2010 French potboiler Love Crime and featuring Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace taking over for Kristen Scott Thomas and Ludivine Sagnier, respectively. [Movieline]
...Noomi Noomi Noomi, can't you see, sometimes your bangs just hypnotize me/And I just love your flashy rapes...
Get it? She's turning her family upside down, LOL!
Well at first I figured this was just another horror movie about demonic possession (remember: All horror movies are either about demonic possession, creepy kids, or a haunted house), but now that I know it's based on a true story...
F*ck it, let's just slap "based on a true story" on everything. John Carter, Avatar, The Avengers... Why not? Though honestly, is a true story really that big of a selling point? If it was, Ken Burns would be as rich as James Cameron.
I was taken aback when so many people got strangely butthurt when I ripped on this movie this morning. Is it the overwrought, goth-y graphic design that people are into? I guess I can go with that. Melting crows are neat enough to look at. But honestly, watch Charlize Theron deliver an oh-so-dramatic speech about killing K-Stew's father while K-Stew screams "NOOOOO!!!" and charges at her and tell me this isn't going to be a flaming turd. It's like every dumb movie cliché stuffed into one movie.
This comes from the set of Star Trek 2, which Zachary Quinto and Simon Pegg tweeted has already completed photography, though it doesn't open until next summer. Is that Spock's brother? I hope there are a bunch of Spocks, and they start a grunge band, and it's called The Space Beatles.
Well this is certainly a literal poster. Midnight in Paris restored my faith that Woody Allen can still make a fun movie, but unless this one involves time travel, I have to assume it's another Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Ie., more turgid discussions about categorical imperatives.
Here's Ben Stiller on The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Apparently his secret life involves carrying dudes. He's on the downlow, as we like to say.
A timid magazine photo manager who lives life vicariously through daydreams embarks on a true-life adventure with [sic] a negative goes missing.[IMDB]
Remaking stuff from the 40s always sounds like a bad idea, but it does have Patton Oswalt, so who knows.
Aw, I thought he was really carrying those dudes.
Aaand now the illusion is shattered. Damn you, set photos, I wanted to believe.
Sick longboard, bra.
I'm assuming most of these pictures take place in a dream sequence. I'll be interested to see what they do with this, because there are already a billion independent movies about boring, middle-aged guys with rich fantasy lives, as communicated through frequent dream sequences. It's hard to pull off, because in general, your dreams have to be incredibly bizarre and depraved for anyone to give a shit about them.
[posters via IMPA, unless noted otherwise]