10 Failed Presidential Monster Movie Mash-Ups

By 06.20.12

We’re two days away from the release of one of the most talked about movies of the summer, if not the year – Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. A lot of people are questioning the existence of this movie, as the whole “Hey let’s take a historical figure and create an insane new reality for him” plot device is still fresh and, well, strange. Yes, at face value, this is a movie that people can hate before ever giving it a shot, and I’m certainly one to understand snap judgments.

But I’ll give you three reasons why Abe Lincoln deserves your consideration:

1) I’ve read the book and I liked it. I don’t read books that aren’t published by Penthouse that often, so this is a very strong endorsement.
B) Timur Bekmambetov is a very underrated director. Despite James McAvoy’s facial derpery and a plot about a psychic loom, I rather enjoyed Wanted.
III) Vampire Hunter is hardly the first film of its kind.

Thanks to my incredibly secretive Hott Goss sources – the very same that have provided us with such great insight into the development of White House Down – I’ve been introduced to 10 other presidential movie monster mash-ups that unfortunately never saw the light of day. After the jump, I have these never-before-seen posters, with taglines written by my Warming Glow hombre Josh, for potential cinematic masterpieces that were shot down by an ignorant and unfair Hollywood bureaucracy before they had a chance to make billions.

(Original banner image via Shutterstock)

Calvin Coolidge: Abominable Snowman Melter

“Prepare to have a cool time.”

Franklin Pierce: Bearsharktopus Tamer

“Sometimes to change a life, you just need to Pierce the heart.”

Gerald Ford: Cyborg Ruster

“The only emotion they can feel is pain.”

James K Polk: Mermaid Banger

“What began with a gentle Polk ended with a big bang.”

John Tyler: Werewolf Calmer Downer

“When the moon is at its brightest, it’s Tyler’s time to shine.”

Martin Van Buren: Part-Time Exorcist

“Part-time exorcist, full-time ladies man.”

Millard Fillmore: Unicorn Whisperer

“To think like a unicorn, he must hear the unicorn.”

Richard Nixon: Godzilla Moderator

“Meet Japan’s newest hero: Tricky Dick-san.”

Rutherford B Hayes: Frankenstein Mohel

“A former-President faces his biggest challenge yet: Frankenstein’s dick.”

William Howard Taft: Blob Stopper

“Immovable fat man meets impenetrable blob – only one survives.”

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