The 2012 Olympic Games are set to go down in sunny London, England, and the artistic director for the opening ceremony is none other than filmmaker Danny Boyle (127 Hours, Slumdog Millionaire, Sunshine, Trainspotting). Based on his resume, it’ll be a miracle if his number doesn’t include someone rooting around in a toilet.
In his role as artistic director for the opener that’s titled Isles Of Wonder, the British filmmaker said “The ceremony is an attempt to capture a picture of ourselves as a nation, where we have come from and where we want to be.”
So what will he have in store for us? A group of drunken
soccer football hooligans headbutting each other whilst powder-wigged judges spill tea and faint from surprise? (You can have that one, Danny). By the way, a judge in a powdered wig spilling tea is the British equivalent of a record scratch. Ask anyone. Anyway, what Boyle is planning sounds much more… uh… cultural. I guess.
For the Tempest-inspired gala, the whole of the Olympic Stadium’s field of play will be transformed into the rolling British countryside. The set will include meadows, fields and rivers, and feature picnicking families, folks playing sports on village greens and farmers tilling the soil. There will also be live animals grazing including 12 horses, 3 cows, 2 goats, 10 chickens, 10 ducks, 9 geese, 70 sheep, and 3 sheep dogs. [Deadline]
My exclusive English sources tell me that the 70-sheep figure doesn’t even include the 140 Scotsman being brought in to bugger them. (Or was it three Scotsmen to bugger a sheep? I can’t remember how that one goes, help me out here, English readers).
I kid, I kid. But seriously, it’s 2012, I’m not sure the best way to communicate the majesty of your great nation is through an abundance of herd animals. The last sentence of that block quote sounds like someone trying to make it rain at a Kazakh strip club.
[Sidenote: The Bangbus guy did it first.]