A man was questioned by TSA agents at San Francisco International Airport recently, over a suspicious bulge in his pants that turned out to be his enormous penis, and I swear this isn’t the beginning of an adult film.
Jonah Falcon, 41, who has been featured in several documentaries about the world’s biggest penises…
Go ahead, I’m listening.
…was returning from a trip in San Francisco last week when he was stopped at security by TSA agents who spotted something out of the ordinary hanging to the left in his pants, he said.
“They wanted to know if I had something in my pockets, and when I said no, they asked if I had some sort of growth,” he said.
When he replied that it was just his penis, they “checked the area around it” but didn’t frisk him too severely, he said. They also wiped his hands to check for explosive powder.
Thank God they didn’t frisk him too severely, the guy’s liable to pass out.
“I”ve gone through the (airport scanner) before, and I wasn’t worried,” he said. “What was the worst that was going to happen — I was going to have to whip it out for them? I’m used to that. Sometimes when people ask me about it, if I’m feeling up to it, I’ll just show them.”
Falcon’s penis has been reported as 9.5 inches when flaccid and 13.5 inches when erect, according to Rolling Stone. He has been featured in documentaries on HBO and overseas and has appeared on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. He works as a video game journalist and as an actor with small roles in movies and television shows, according to his Internet Movie Database profile. [SFGate]
Ooh, nice journalism there, Rolling Stone. I wonder if they sent Peter Travers to measure. “It sneaks up and floors you,” he’d probably say. Actually, speaking of Falcon’s profile in Rolling Stone, here’s an excerpt:
His balls are proportionately huge, each the size of a grade-A jumbo egg. When erect, Falcon’s penis generates enough heat to warm hands — campfire style — from a distance of six inches.
Hmm, I’m going to have to see the science on that.
His balls, especially when he pushes them up as he does today, look like the wide, oval eyes ascribed to Martians in popular drawings. Never does the sight of Falcon’s equipment suggest a kielbasa or any such inert object. In clothes, with every step, Falcon’s penis is alive. [Source]
Nice. Hey, don’t be afraid to wax poetic there, Rolling Stone guy. By the way, tat’s always how I’ve described my perfect man. “Caring eyes, a gentle touch, and balls like a Martian’s eyes.”