In addition to appearing in that Olympics opening ceremony… uh… piece? performance? whateveritscalled…where he skydived with the Queen, James Bond also starred in this new spot for Skyfall, which opens November 9th. With Sam Mendes directing, you might wonder if Bond’s adversary will be middle class ennui this time around, but so far it looks like your standard Bond stuff. In thirty seconds, the spot manages to show Bond on a motorcycle, in a Venice gondola, on a sailboat, driving a car, and jumping from a moving train. Probably the most James Bond-y thing he does is adjust his cufflinks after landing on the crashing train, so in case you were worried that he’d finally switched to more athletically-appropriate attire like under armour gear and some yoga pants, don’t. GRR, SUIT PARKOUR!
Then there’s a totally not-gay moment where new Bond girl Naomie Harris lovingly shaves Bond (if the camera doesn’t linger on a Gillette logo in the full scene I’ll eat my hat). It seems like it’d be sexier the other way around, with her ankles behind his head while he manicures her pubes to his precise specifications, but I guess having a girl take care of your hygiene chores is sort of a power move. My relationships are a lot like this, except with more of my girlfriend giggling while she pops my backne. I’m like human bubble wrap!