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‘The Big Wedding’ figured out how to make Katherine Heigl even worse

By / 07.31.12

You guys, I look at this banner image and actually feel bad for Topher Grace. That’s how bad this is. Just imagine if they combined ALL YOUR FAVORITE F*CKED-OUT ROM-COM PLOTS into ONE SOULLESS VACCUUM OF A CHARDONNAY FART?!?

THIS SUMMER! KATHERINE HEIGL QUEEFS INTO YOUR EYES, EARS, AND MOUTH! ROBERT DENIRO’S AGENT TRADES HIS LAST SHRED OF CREDIBILITY FOR AN EIGHT-BALL! AMANDA SEYFRIED SOMETHING SOMETHING DONKEY NOISE!

My God, this piece of sh*t has everything:

  • Ex-Husbands and ex-wives rekindling their love!
  • Having to fake a relationship for the disapproving in-laws!
  • Cultural misunderstandings at a wedding!
  • Inappropriate painting of a lover!
  • Best friends fighting over a man!
  • Characters constantly overreacting to things!

Oh my God, you don’t think Susan Sarandon would spike Robert DeNiro’s food with anything… do you?!?! I mean what if she spiked his filet with Viagra and he started knocking stuff over with his boner? It would be a disaster, especially with that big meeting he has coming up with the Japanese! His livelihood depends on it!

And let’s not forget, the last time Robin Williams hilariously played a priest in a Rom-Com (License to Wed, 2007, starring Mandy Moore, John Krasinski, and a robot baby – seriously, a robot baby), The Guardian described it thusly:

“Josef Goebbels had a home movie made of the failed 1944 Hitler assassins being hanged from meathooks with piano wire. It probably had more laughs, more fun, more feelgood moments than this family comedy.” -The Guardian

So sure, why wouldn’t we want to remind people of that? Serious discussion question: do you think the people who write these rom-coms are conscious of all the movies they’re ripping off when they write them, or is it simply a case of mediocre minds thinking alike?

God, look at her. Making people suffer through awful movies is like an aphrodisiac to her.


TOPICS#TRAILERS
TAGSAMANDA SEYFRIEDCrapKATHERINE HEIGLRobert DeNiroRobin Williamssusan sarandonTOPHER GRACEwhy god why?

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