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Hypothesis: All of Stallone's movies are the Expendables now

By 08.21.12

After the jump, we have the new trailer for WB’s Bullet to the Head, which, as you might have guessed by the title, isn’t about a dyslexic holocaust orphan who learns that life is beautiful when she discovers the cello. Instead it’s a Sylvester Stallone vehicle, and part of a growing pile of evidence that after the Expendables, all of Sly’s movies have basically become The Expendables – winking throwbacks to cheesy eighties action films. One last job, a fractured bromance, silly names – you know the drill.

Bullet to the Head: Sly plays an aging hitman who postpones retirement for ONE LAST JOB, because when they MURDER HIS PARTER and KIDNAP HIS DAUGHTER, this time it’s personal. Co-stars include: Jason Momoa, aka the new Conan, Christian Slater. Trailer soundtrack: “Hot Blooded,” by Foreigner. Sly’s character’s name: “Jimmy Bobo.”

My favorite part was Sly’s floppy-haired, chubby-cheeked, peach fuzz cherub of a partner. Gee, I wonder what will happen to this guy.

"HEY, GUYS, YOU DON'T THINK I'M ABOUT TO GET KILLED, DO YOU? ...GUYS?"


Then there’s The Tomb. Here’s the logline for that one:

Ray Breslin is the world’s foremost authority on structural security. After analyzing every high security prison and learning a vast array of survival skills so he can design escape-proof prisons, his skills are put to the test. He’s framed and incarcerated in a master prison he designed himself. He needs to escape and find the person who put him behind bars.

His co-star for that, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Just a couple a buff dudes in prison! But this time! It’s personal!

His other in-development credits, according to IMDB? Grudge Match, Death Wish, Homefront, No Rest for the Wicked, Rambo: Last Stand, and naturally, The Expendables 3.

Conclusion? Every Stallone movie is The Expendables now.

 


TOPICS#TRAILERS
TAGSBULLET TO THE HEADSly StalloneWALTER HILL

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