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The Red Dawn remake trailer will kill all the Koreans

By / 08.10.12

At long last, we have the trailer for MGM’s remake of Red Dawn (directed by Bourne stunt coordinator Dan Bradley and actually shot in 2009), in which we reinvent a tiny hermit nation of starving Stalinists with a persecution complex as a massive invading force to avoid offending the Chinese (who, ironically for a Communist superpower, have too much money to risk alienating). The whole thing is in such wildly poor taste that I don’t know whether to be nauseated or impressed. All I know is that if they make it through the entire movie without calling anyone “gook” they’re full of sh*t. What’s he saying in the banner pic? “Piece of a sh*t?” Haha, okay, sure, buddy, whatever you say.

“FETCH MAH GUN, BOY! WE GOTTA GIT RID A THESE HERE, UH… PEOPLE OF ASIA! POA’S I CALL ‘EM! NOW SCRAM POA! WE DON’T LAHKE YER KIND IN THESE PARTS! AND BY ‘KIND’ AH MEAN INVADERS! WE DON’T LAHKE INVADERS, WHATEVER RACE THEY MAHGHT HAPPEN TA BE, RIGHT SON? NOW GIT! PTOOEY!”

Ah yes. This is what happens when you take a deliberately un-PC idea and try execute it with a stiflingly PC apparatus like a Hollywood studio. You can totally hear the behind-the-scenes conversation they had about switching the bad guys from Chinese to North Korean coming through in the expository dialog there.

BEHIND THE SCENES:

-But, sir, how do we change 1.4 billion Chinese people to 25 million North Koreans? Won’t that it make it wildly unrealistic?

-Pff, easy fix. It’s one line! ‘Oh, that’s why we invented the dut-duh-duh.’ All you need. Trust me, I’ve been in this business for 30 years.

ACTUAL SCENE:

-How did this happen?!?

-There’s a new class of weapon!

See? One line.

"The new script says WHAT?"


Oh, and yes, Connor Cruise is Tom Cruise’s adopted son with Nicole Kidman. Child celebrities, the true invaders.


TOPICS#TRAILERS
TAGSCHILDREN OF CELEBRITIESCHRIS HEMSWORTHCONNOR CRUISEDAN BRADLEYJOSH HUTCHERSONJOSH PECKMGMRed DawnRED DAWN REMAKEunnecessary remakes

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