Val Kilmer aside, there’s Netflix business at hand. As history has shown us, Netflix is always a few weeks behind the DVD new releases. As such, here are the ‘new’ Netflix films: Bathory, Albert Nobbs, Bad Ass, A Little Bit Of Heaven, and Alien Origin. For this week’s added-value suggestions, each film has not one but two actors from this week’s DVDs –and they aren’t ever from the same movie! Again, please share your suggestions for other Netflix options in the comments, but please don’t mention a movie I’ve already mentioned in this post –it makes us both look like assh*les.
The Poker House
JENNIFER LAWRENCE AND CHLOE GRACE MORETZ IN THE SAME MOVIE! I repeat: JENNIFER LAWRENCE AND CHLOE GRACE MORETZ IN THE SAME MOVIE! This film, directed by Lori ‘Tank Girl’ Petty and written by Petty and David Alan Grier (what the f*ck?) is a dramatization of Petty’s teen years. None of that really matters, though because JENNIFER LAWRENCE AND CHLOE GRACE MORETZ ARE BOTH IN IT. Also, it’s Rated R for ‘language, and disturbing content involving a minor including rape, sexual content and drug/alcohol abuse’. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE OUR WINNER!
The Hunger Games’ Stanley Tucci and Girl Walks Into A Bar’s Zachary Quinto star in this Best Original Screenplay Oscar-nominated flick. It’s basically about the financial collapse of 2008, but fictionalized so as to avoid the burden of accuracy. It’s an okay film, especially if you understand all the Wall Street lingo the characters throw around. It’s all ‘run those numbers again, dude’. ‘Dude, I ran them twice already –we will be broke by the opening bell!’ ‘Did you tell Simon Baker?’ ‘No, Demi Moore told Jeremy Irons and now Kevin Spacey’s pissed!’ I won’t lie, I didn’t exactly understand all the technical jargon.
Hick’s Eddie Redmayne and Breathless’ Ray Liotta star in this film that is infamous for Jessica Biel’s role as a stripper. That’s right, you’re remembering it now, this is the one where she shows her tits. Anyhow, this film from writer/director Timothy Linh Bui –you’re not reading this anymore, are you? You stopped after the word ‘tits’, I know. I could write anything here and no one would even notice. One of my favorite movies of all time is Nothing But Trouble, and it’s streaming too, but I’m afraid to mention it, because everyone else in the world –including those people who actually made the film- absolutely hate it. But I love it. First DVD I ever bought. True story.
The River Murders
Assassin’s Bullet’s Christian Slater and Breathless’ Ray Liotta star in this flick about a detective who becomes the prime suspect in the very case he’s investigating. You see, the FBI uncovers his personal association with all the victims. Now I don’t know why he wouldn’t remove himself from the case in the first place, but it’s a dumb movie and it needs its plot-contrivances to survive. I’m even betting the real killer is his partner, or the FBI agent or Ving Rhames, because he’s in this too.