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The Proof That Kristen Stewart Didn't Cheat: This Week In YouTube Commenter Outrage

By 09.17.12

Back in July, I dropped my name in the Pulitzer hat with my incredible coverage of the breakup of Twilight stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. In case you were in a coma, Pattinson kicked K-Stew to the curb after she was busted cheating on him with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders. But if you had two months in the “How long until PattiStew conveniently gets back together in time to create absurd buzz around the final Twilight film?” pool, then step up and claim your prize.

The Sun, which is always right, is reporting that Pattinson has taken Stewart back, despite the fact that she admitted to cheating on him. But I can’t really criticize the guy, because it’s not like he could have any girl on the planet or anything, so it’s good that he’s sucking it up and settling for an emotionless sheet of blank paper.

Pattinson, 26, was revealed to have had a heart-to-heart with the tearful Hollywood beauty, 22, over the weekend and forgiven her “stupid mistake.”

A source told The Sun how Pattinson had set up home with the brunette once more, adding: “They pretty much decided they couldn’t live without each other.”

“Kristen poured her heart out to Robert and told him it was a one-off and a mistake,” the source told The Sun. (Via FOX News)

Honestly, I don’t blame Pattinson. For starters, he just moistened a billion pairs of panties and guaranteed that Twilight: Breaking Whatever 2 will gross at least $100 million more than it was already guaranteed to make. But he also now holds the greatest “Get Out of Jail Free” card in history. Either way, I have $10 that says they’re done by the time Breaking Dawn leaves theaters.

However, my skepticism might also be unwarranted, because even though Stewart admitted that she cheated and has at no point denied her indiscretion, there are still conspiracy theorists who believe this was all drummed up by the hateful media. And one hero has even made a video that explains why this is all a lie.

I was originally going to write up my counterpoint to this video, but then I read the comments and thoughts from the YouTube users, and as I have pointed out in the past, they are always right and my oracles of truth in this world of lies. So I’ll let them break it down.

Um, hello? You just watched this generation’s Zapruder film.

That’s the most important thing here, that people support Kristen and Rob in this terrible time. This isn’t just about how a girl cheated on her boyfriend, was caught red-handed and admitted to doing it. This is about two victims.

No, you come on. Take your blinders off, man. There’s a deeper, darker force at work here.

This is a key point. How convenient that both statements were published on the same day, the day after the news broke that Sanders and Stewart had an affair. I mean, THE SAME DAY, sheeple. That never happens in reality. Normally, the guy would wait two days. That’s standard whore law.

I totally agree. Kristen didn’t cheated. Why would she anyway? Pattinson and that forehead are perfect. But what about this damning evidence? Can we take it as truth?

Maybe we need a second pair of eyes on this, someone who is an unbiased detective.

Okay, I guess the most glaring question is this – who would have created this scandal and who could have benefited from it? After all, Stewart was booted from the Snow White franchise over this. That’s a hefty price to pay just to pump up a film that doesn’t need to be pumped up.

Interesting point here. Sanders wasn’t exactly a household name before this, so it would make sense that he tricked Stewart into sleeping with him and having a photographer “catch” them. Producers must be clamoring to hire a guy who cheated on his wife. Except he doesn’t have any other jobs, so this plan sucked. Unless… maybe it wasn’t him.

But nobody ever denied that this happened. How can you explain that?

Thank you. I’m glad someone understands my confusion.

That’s exactly what the Hollywood Illuminati wanted to happen. But what they didn’t expect is that PattiStew fans are so much stronger and smarter than anyone else on this planet.

This whole lie has been blown wide open, and the real fans are basking in the glory.

Thank you, Internet detective. A million times, thank you.

Most importantly, though, we need to appreciate Stewart for who she is. She’s not a whorish homewrecker, but a true American acting treasure. She’s the real victim here, even though she admitted to cheating on Pattinson.

Fight, damn it. Until the end. Fight because your fans love you.

She sure is.


TAGScheaterskristen stewartPATTISTEWRobert PattinsonRUPERT SANDERSTwilightYOUTUBE COMMENTERS

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