Steven Seagal went blowhard on blowhard with HDNet’s Michael Schiavello recently, and previously, in the
- Steven Seagal thinks Michael Jai White is not tough, nor a martial artist (ditto Chuck Norris).
- Steven Seagal knows the real story behind Iran-Contra.
- Steven Seagal knows the real story behind Brandon Lee’s death on the set of The Crow.
- Steven Seagal used to be friends with Jackie Chan but not anymore.
- Steven Seagal can and possibly has killed people.
- Steven Seagal deserved Al Gore’s Academy Award and Nobel Peace Prize but he was too ahead of his time.
- Steven Seagal has saved many people’s lives.
- Vladimir Putin is a great leader, a real man, and a true martial artist.
On how he got his start in martial arts while working at a restaurant called The Wagon Wheel:
“One of the cooks there was a guy named Sakamoto-Sensei, and he was a Shotokan guy, and an Okinawan Shurin guy, and he saw that when I was washing the dishes and moving around that I moved very fast.”
He literally learned martial arts from a restaurant chef. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?
“I did learn a lot of mystical things that a lot of other people didn’t because they were only interested in learning how to fight.”
So Steven Seagal is interested in mysticism? You don’t say…
Steven Seagal knows ancient killing techniques:
“I believe that Oh sensei had something called oku den which meant the secret style, or the secret arts, that he wouldn’t teach almost anyone, which did have to do with killing people and did have to do with techniques that could take a life and so forth and so on.
And then after his apparent enlightenment, he took those out of his teaching. But I did know the old people who did know them and I made those a part of my style. And I made the conviction that aikido has to be able to work against anyone in any style who wants to come and kill you and hurt you or your family or your friends.”
He adds that he was able to practice his techniques in the streets, as his dojo was in a bad part of town “full of gangs and the yakuza and so forth.” He explains having used his aikido in around 300 street fights.
“If you don’t fight for real, you will never understand the essence of any martial art.”
On how he used to test his black belts:
“Back in the day we took three to five guys, and after you went through piece by piece showing all the techniques you could do, we lined up three to five guys, we put them across the room, and we said “begin,” and they would attack you as hard as they could, and they would do anything they could to take you out. And we constantly had people who had broken noses, black eyes, ripped open face – there was never a black belt exam that didn’t end without blood everywhere.”
Above the Law was autobiographical:
SCHIAVELLO: In interviews you’ve said that Above the Law was part autobiographical.
SEAGAL: Well I’m not gonna get into that, but I will say that I believe it was based on a true story that had to do with the Iran-Contra conspiracy, which never really came out.
IS STEVEN SEAGAL IN THE CIA?!? By the way, if you made a game where you had to drink every time Seagal said “I’m not gonna get into that” or “I don’t want to get into that” or “Without getting too much into that” you’d be hammered by minute 20.
Discussing the infamous cue-ball-in-the-bar-towel scene in Out for Justice:
In special forces you know we say something like, you know there is this phrase that is common amongst “operators,” and that phrase is “adapt and overcome.” And coming up with the idea of putting that cue ball in a rag and using it against all those people was a good idea that really works. I can tell you. I mean, that will hurt somebody very badly.
That explains it, Steven Seagal is in the special forces, Unique Physiological Reaction division. They’re like the X-Men, but everyone has ponytails.
Steven Seagal knows how Brandon Lee was killed:
When Brandon was killed like that, they called me a few minutes after it happened, and they said, “Wee think that he’s dead, but the guy shot a blank gun at him, how could he be dead? He’s dying.” And I said “You will find a projectile in him. You will find a bullet in him.” They said that can’t be. You’re crazy. And they called me in the morning and said “You’re amazing, because they found a bullet in him.”
And I could go through the whole story and explain what really happened that most people don’t know, but the long and the short is that when Brandon passed like that, I didn’t sleep for three or four days. It reminded me too much of certain things.
What certain things? Another murder you witnessed? A book you read? A ham sandwich? He never elaborates, but the implication is clear: Steven Seagal knows the whole story behind Brandon Lee’s death, but he’s not telling.
Asked what movie of his he’d save if all the others were destroyed in a fire:
“It’s probably On Deadly Ground because of the speech at the end. Which, is exactly what Al Gore did 18 years later that he got an Academy Award and a Nobel Peace Prize for. I was a little ahead of my time. And I understand they cut a lot of that speech out, it was originally much longer. And it really just cut the entire gamut of what’s happening with the planet. But I think that for mankind, that’s probably the most important work I’ve done.”
Here’s that speech that should’ve won him the Nobel Prize, which involves Steven Seagal wearing a fringed coat giving a speech before an assemblage of nodding, solemn American Indians:
Heavy stuff. Steven Seagal should’ve won the Nobel, if only someone had taken him seriously. In fairness, how could they, with that jacket he was wearing.
On whether there are any “legitimate Hollywood tough guys:”
SCHIAVELLO: Michael Jai White?
SEAGAL: Can I laugh in your face?
SCHIAVELLO: Jean Claude Van Damme?
SEAGAL: Can I laugh in your face?
SCHIAVELLO: Chuck Norris?
SEAGAL: Chuck Norris is in his mid-70s.
“Do I think Michael is a tough guy or a martial artist? No. Do I think Chuck Norris is a tough guy or a martial artist? No.”
Ouch. Though he does later say that Jet Li *is* a true martial artist, for whatever that’s worth.
On first getting involved in Mixed Martial Arts:
Anderson Silva sent me a postcard that said “show me your lethal stuff.”
Meanwhile, he refuses to talk about Judo Gene Lebell allegedly choking him out, saying Judo Gene is a scumbag, they only met once, and all they did was stretch.
“I have friends who are in their 60s and 70s who could kill most of the guys that think they’re great warriors in their 20s. Could kill them! But that’s stuff that most guys who will hear this will go come on, that’s a joke. Well, amongst real martial arts masters, it’s not a joke.”
On having an Asian grandmother, maybe on his mother’s side:
“It’s really on my father’s side. All I have is a picture of my father’s family, and they… got pretty slanted eyes. And Asian clothes. They look like Asian Mongols, but I don’t know what they are. But something Asian.”
They had slanted eyes, and their clothes looked all… Asian! They were speaking a different language, I think it was… Asian! (reference at 1:00)
On doing more comedy in the future:
I think I could be very funny, everyone who knows me thinks I’m very funny. I think I could be very good in a comedy if the right one came along.
If you’ve ever read Live From New York, you may recall the story about the time Steven Seagal hosted Saturday Night Live:
David Spade: [Seagal] didn’t want to go along with what the plan was that week, and as a result, I think that was the first week that I heard talk about replacing the host and just doing a cast show.
Julia Sweeney:When we pitched our ideas for Seagal at our Monday meeting, he gave us some of his own sketch ideas. And some of his sketch ideas were so heinous, but so hilariously awful, it was like we were on Candid Camera. He had this idea that he’s a therapist and he wanted Victoria Jackson to be his patient who’s just been raped. And the therapist says, “You’re going to have to come to me twice a week for like three years,” because, he said, “that’s how therapists f*cking are. They’re just trying to get your money.” And then he says that the psychiatrist tries to have sex with her.
A rape counselor who keeps trying to have sex with his patients. I agree, please, let Steven Seagal write a comedy like yesterday. Or, just let him talk for another 40 minutes.
-Thanks to Fightlinker for the heads up.
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