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By / 11.30.12
Who knew they’d eventually write Brad Pitt movies?

In Theaters Everywhere: Killing Them Softly, The Collection

In Theaters Somewhere: Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning

FilmDrunk Suggests: Vince absolutely HATED Killing Them Softly, which I think looks great. Wait, hold on. Vince liked it. A lot. Holy sh*t, you guys, we agree on something aside from Magic Mike for once. Mark your calendars.

Also, I’m trying to make the upcoming Worst Movies of 2012 feature a little more interactive this time around, so I want to hear from the Drunkards about the movies that they hated the most this year. Consider it the Drunkards’ Choice Award. Leave your most loathed films of 2012 in the comments.

“Nobody ever has to know we were in The Mexican, okay?”

Killing Them Softly

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 79% critics, 65% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Ultimately, as crafted as Killing Them Softly is, it’s less satisfying than either The Sopranos or Goodfellas. Still, Dominik and his cast cruise some very mean streets indeed.” – Lisa Kennedy, Denver Post

“The dialogue is sharp and so are the performances. Andrew Dominik directed this neo-noir in a low-key comic style that’s alternately gritty and fancy. The gritty stuff is best.” – Peter Rainer, Christian Science Monitor

Armchair Analysis: I love Brad Pitt. I love gritty, ass-kicking Brad Pitt even more. I want to go home and watch 12 Monkeys now.

“Damn it, Roger… I told you to stop leaving your white trash in the hall.”

The Collection

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 44% critics, 83% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Just a pointless exercise in sadism.” – Nicole Herrington, New York Times (She says that like it’s bad.)

“More than anything, the sequel feels like an excuse for Dunstan and his effects team to see how creative they can be in the bloody killing of people using pointy metal objects.” – Associated Press

Armchair Analysis: As I’ve mentioned in the past, I love a good horror movie and The Collection looks fun… for a damn sequel. I propose a new rule to horror film studios: You can have your remakes, reboots, and endless sequels all you want. I get it, that’s how money is made. Otherwise, I wouldn’t want to choke on my own feces while watching Paranormal 4. But for every sequel that you make, you have to give us one original film, too. It doesn’t have to be the same weekend, but you have 365 days after the release of Saw 231 to release your original horror film. And God help you if it has a stupid ending like Sinister.

“I am geeting too old for thees sheet.”

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 53% critics, 52% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“An intensity of purpose and a patient, suspenseful directing style make the B-movie ‘Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning’ superior to most of the big-budget action films I’ve seen lately.” – Kyle “Armond Lite” Smith, New York Post

“The movie creates something of the sensation of huffing industrial solvents – in a good way! – a waking-sleep zombification that can’t exactly be described as pleasurable but definitely has an odd, distinct power.” – Mark Olsen, L.A. Times

Armchair Analysis: I’m sorry, but as much as I love this old action star renaissance, it’s really only fun when they’re all together like in The Expendables. I barely even remember Universal Soldier. At least give me a Time Cop sequel.

[Vince's Note: We had the director on the Frotcast, so I'm 98% sure that it's going to be awesome. Don't believe me? Here's Van Damme helping GSP stretch his groin.]

 


TAGSKILLING THEM SOFTLYTHE COLLECTIONUNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONINGWEEKEND MOVIE GUIDE

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