Coming off his awards-nominated turn as dark meat-loving abolitionist Thaddeus Stevens in Lincoln, professional Grumpy Cat Tommy Lee Jones stars as General Douglas MacArthur in Emperor, a film set during the not-depicted-often-enough period in the closing days of WWII, when we had to rush to forgive Japan for all the grimy sh*t they did during the war to pacify their people and turn our attention to fightin’ the commies. That it’s a period piece, but doesn’t involve any British royalty, is just the icing on the cake. It’s directed by Peter Webber (Girl with the Pearl Earring, Hannibal Rising) and co-stars Matthew Fox as General Bonner Fellers. Bonner Fellers! Please, General, don’t fell my boner, I just erected ‘er!
Looks promising. Still, anyone else wish Tommy Lee Jones had climbed down the steps of his plane yelling, “Alright, listen up, people. Our Emperor has been in power for 19 years. Average rickshaw speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 4 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every sushi house, sake house, geisha house, paper house, kimono, keikogi, obi, and obi wan kenobi in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your theocrat’s name is Emperor Hirohito, and he is a descendant of the Sun God. Go get him. “