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Comments of the Week!

By 05.05.13

After the report on this site about somebody who stole $75,000 worth of sex toys from the set of Pain and Gain, user Stinky Pete wondered:

Do you think Mark Wahlberg got tired of running to the set every time Bay would shout, “Where did that pocket pussy go now?!”

Not if Mark Wahlberg was the one shouting it, Pete. Guys love pocket pussies. Trust me.

And if that hijinks wasn’t enough apparently Jessica Chastain will be starring in the upcoming Zookeeper’s Wife. As Vince clarifies it, the movie is not a sequel to Matt Damon classic, We Bought a Zoo, but a film based on the Warsaw Zoo during WWII. User kazoshay stepped in with some trivia:

I heard the original title to Schindler’s List was We Bought a Jew.

THINK OF THE TIE-IN MERCH!

This week there were a few stories on movies based on comics. The first bit of controversy arose when racists weren’t big on the a potential casting decision of a black man as the Human Torch.

Wilkinsbane: Unless they change character backgrounds, a black human torch means a black invisible woman since they’re brother and sister.

/adjusts glasses, gets hit in head with football

YO! Can you toss me that football? I threw it at you.

And that second piece of comic book movie news comes from China where an extra four minutes was added to Iron Man 3 to squeeze in some more product placement.

Chareth Cutestory: If you look closely at the US version, there’s a $40k credenza in Tony Stark’s dining room that Gwyneth Paltrow says every working mom simply MUST have.

A movie like Talladega Nights, heavy in product placement, would need a few products cut from it to meet China’s standards. HEY OH!

The final stretch: Will Smith is remaking Annie and wants Jamie Foxx to play Daddy Warbucks renamed Benjamin Stacks.

ChinoMoreno: Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger…

I’ve been listening to Kanye West recently and I understand what joke you are making. Annie’s trying to get on that money. Consumerism will ruin her well into the Sixties!

And now for the COMMENT OF THE WEEK!!!!! From the same article:

Chareth Cutestory: The fact that they passed over Diddy Morebuck$ is a god damned disgrace.

Will Smith probably focus grouped it and found that more housewives 32-45 with children found the name Benjamin more agreeable due to its biblical connections.

EDIT: At least, that was what Zeke thought was the comment of the week (this is Vince, your loyal EIC typing this now). In a shocking twist, he was WRONG! This is clearly the comment of the week, from A Comparison of Rejected Baby Names in New Zealand and Considered Baby Names in Utah:

Chareth Cutestory: “Reached for comment, the Registrar of Births punched four journos in the stomach, assured them that he was only “having a go,” pretended to throw another punch, and then all parties involved had a right good laugh.”

I don’t know, they were both pretty good. This one just seemed so much more evocative. Great imagery. Anyway, at least Zeke got the commenter right. I also thought these deserved mention:

Chareth Cutestory: To be fair, the midwifery “shed” is more of a burlap blanket thrown over the mother to better muffle all that whinging.

And from Our Ideas For Future Vince Vaughn Vehicles:

Jessolido: It’s a Dad Dad Dad Dad World!

Dad Men – in which Vaughn & Wilson try and get their uptight office to be more like Mad Men

Dad Genes – in which Vaughn & Wilson play scientists

Volunbeers – drunken Habitat for Humanity shenanigans ensue!

Lastly, from Ray Liotta’s Amazing Orgy of Bridge Burning:

Donkey Hodey: If you line Danny Trejo and Ray Liotta side by side and have a blind man run his fingers over their faces, he’ll slowly spell out E-D-W-A-R-D-J-A-M-E-S-O-L-M-O-S-W-A-S-H-E-R-E.

Okay, now back to Zeke.

Well that’s what it is. Keep nominating those comments. They’re amazing!


TAGSCHARETH CUTESTORYCOMMENTS OF THE WEEK

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