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Gary Busey Talks to Hobbits In His Sleep

By / 06.28.13
Gary Busey Talks to Hobbits

You can’t ride a dreamcycle without a Spirit Helment, turd stain.


What’d you losers dream about last night? Airplanes, like me? Bet it wasn’t as rad as Gary Busey’s nocturnal adventures. He recently talked to WENN about his special abilities:

I talk to people about the history of the hobbit. […] I talk about how the hobbit lives and what they do and their social infrastructure.

Their social infrastructure? Gary Busey became an urban planner and nobody told me?! I’ll have to offer him my blueprints for McHamcum (M-c-H-A-M-C-U-M: My City Holds All My Children Under Me), a sex-positive porktopia I never thought possible… until now.

I know this because I’ve had dreams and I’ve gone there by body projection. I time travel in my dreams. Anybody can do that when they learn how to relax and invite loving spirits every night to come into their dreams. They take me in my dreams to where I need to be to see what my purpose in life is and by understanding all that I can. Dreams are a great place to discover that. The hobbits come to life like nothing else. They have songs they sing that you can’t understand but you can dance to them and pretty soon you’re singing the words… and you are becoming a hobbit. And when you become a hobbit on earth you’ll be able to do everything you want to do.

Makes sense. H-O-B-B-I-T: Hold On Bitch, Before I Transform (into a hobbit (the self-reflexive acronym showcases Gary Busey’s complex intellect ). His spiritual strength is inhuman, and it’s a miracle we can understand his sacred tongue. This all might sound ridiculous to humans but you can’t expect to just become a hobbit without going through some serious trials and tribulations first. Have you met God? Do you even hear all these crystals in the sky? How many times have you actually died? The hobbit evolution affords unlimited wish fulfillment so have some patience and like, don’t be all dismissive just because you’re still a tall piece of sh*t and Gary Busey shapeshifts into an angel dwarf at will.

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TAGSGARY BUSEYGARY BUSEY FACTSHobbitsMORNING LINKSPORKTOPIAThe HobbitTHE HOBBIT: DESOLATION OF SMAUG

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