Here’s Quentin Tarantino dancing with himself to Stacey Q’s “Two of Hearts” (which I assume you all recognize from Episode Four of Season Two of RuPaul’s Drag Race) for infinity. At least one room in Tarantino’s brain has to be just this, like, happening until he dies. It’s probably the biggest room, too, unless the Coke Wizard rents a penthouse. Across the hall is an autistic old man cataloging pictures of feet by texture, and he lives above a gluttonous orphan whose cell is painted to look like a dojo-themed bowling alley. There’s a courier who’s always dropping a self-refilling stack of memos, and a drained pool left with black mermaids in the basement. One hallway has pigs suckling Ennio Morricone’s nipples; a wet door opens to a herd of animals that, at a distance, resemble flies. Call me if you want fifty-five more room descriptions.
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The Morning Links
Missing Michael Hastings |BuzzFeed|
‘Man Of Steel’: The Superhero Movie Too Superhero-y For The Masses? |Gamma Squad|
Han Solo wants to be turned on. |LaughingSquid|
This Video Of A Snake Opening A Door Is The Beginning Of Mankind’s End |UPROXX|
The Curious Filmography of The Real-Life Wolf of Wall Street: ‘Santa with Muscles,’ and other films |Film Drunk|
Let’s Watch A Suicidal Idiot/Parkour Genius Run Up A Hill Of Molten Lava |With Leather|
Women In China Are Wearing Gross, Hairy Stockings To Thwart Off Thirsty Creeps |Smoking Section|
Patriots Tight Ends Got Problems |Kissing Suzy Kolber|
The Post-Hit Careers of 5 One-Hit Wonders |Mental Floss|
Animals that don’t suck. Not on the list? You guessed it, your mom. |TheChive|
Kim Kardashian lied about her due date because everything about her is terrible. |TheSuperficial|
Courtney Stodden got breast implants because she’s an idiot and nice boobs was literally the only thing she had going for her. |Videogum|
Jim Gaffigan opens up about mustard. |MadeMan|
The 9 dumbest answers to beauty pageant questions. |Ranker|
The Season-Long Colin Kaepernick Experience |Grantland|
5 Famous Movie Characters Who Wasted Awesome Superpowers |Cracked|
Russell Brand divorced Katy Perry over text. Wonder if he used the sad face emoticon, that always works. |IDLYITW|
The Ultimate Zombie Headshot Supercut |Clip Nation|