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Comments of the Week: Florida’s Finest

By / 07.14.13
Brought to you by the 2014 Ford Mustang.

Brought to you by AC/DC’s Back ‘n’ Blackened™ Chipotle Doritos, and the all new Ford Mustang.


It’s a trashy edition of CotW, which is appropriate because the winner gets a dead hawk. First things first: while it may not be the Comment of the Week, this one gets attention because it was from my picture of Alabama.

elle07: JoEllen’s has everything; hotdogs, wine, chainsaws, jewelry, cappuccino, fishing worms and human gas pumps. That’s that thing when you feed a midget hotdogs, wine and cappuccinos and then chase him with a tacky chainsaw covered in worms until he farts.

Next is my personal favorite, from Vince’s post on the sweet (but spicy, mm and tangy, just a real nice mmm crunch to it before you get to those rockin’ juices from the sauce and the seasoning, man oh man) collab between Guy Fieri and the cast of Grown Ups 2:

Farthammer: OK FIRST YOU GOTTA DE-BLING SO YOU DONT STAIN YOUR RINGS. NOW START UP A DRAKKAR NOIR REDUCTION SAUCE AND SLIP AND FALL AS YOUR PANTS RIP IN THE BUTT

It’s the reduction sauce that gets me. Detailed scene, no puns, impressive. It takes a brave commenter to avoid wordplay (though a good pun is always appreciated), and for that courage I must also reward Larry, who made the news of Charlie Kaufman adapting Slaughterhouse-Five even better:

Slaughterhouse-Five was awesome until Michael Slaughterhouse went solo.

And so human life was enriched. On to the winner. 

Rarely does a commenter deliver two laugh-out-loud worthy gems, but that’s what we saw this week with Stallonewolf. When Harvey Weinstein defended The Butler, did Stallonewolf turn to obscure references or hyperbolic sexual fantasies (those are still welcome, don’t get me wrong)?

Just change it to I Can’t Believe it’s not Butler.

Beautiful in its simplicity. A wordplay on which to base future wordplays. But Stallonewolf don’t quit, because did he sit back when Farrah Abraham got kicked out of rehab for fighting Tan Mom (surely this was over a vowel dispute)? Did he just, not make a joke about buttholes?!

Tan Mom and Farrah Abraham, two women who got famous exploiting their little brown stars.

It only leaves me wanting more colon, and fits in quite nicely with the Vonnegut material. Bravo, you champion. May your jokes land as an example to FilmDrunkards everywhere. To the rest: remember to keep your wits about you, and nominate your favorite comments of the week in the comments section of this very thread. For next week, I’ll be hosting a debate to determine the edibility of carrots. All are welcome to attend, but take your shoes off because my step-mom just got new linoleum.

[Photos via Getty]


TAGSBACKDOOR TEEN MOMCOMMENTS OF THE WEEKDRAKKAR NOIR REDUCTION SAUCEfarrah abrahamGROWN UPS 2guy fieriSTALLONEWOLFTAN MOM

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