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Comments of the Week: Jennifer Aniston’s Unholy Bowels

By / 07.07.13
R.I.P. Matt LeBlanc

R.I.P. Matt LeBlanc


This was a good week for FilmDrunk comments, and I’m proud of you all. Rarely does one witness such harmonious collaboration between Partners of Fandom and Workplace Misery as is cultivated here. But, before you find out who gets to make my mice coffins, let me tease you with some honorable mentions. From Vince’s article on Farrah Abraham’s recent interest in rehab:

Stallonewolf: I heard that when the cops pulled her over she squirted a .08.

Magical. The only thing stopping this from rocketing to Comment of the Week is my insecure reluctance to turn the feature into Farrah Abraham’s Pitiful Life (of the week?), which I would thoroughly enjoy.

That’s enough. It’s time to go into the Jennifer Aniston Ate McDonald’s And It Totally Wrecked Her Pooper thread, because that’s where the money’s at, y’all. Whether this is genuine hate mail or a professional troll, it is deeply amusing:

VERIFIED FANISTON [see thread for verification procedures]:

THIS IS GETTING SO STUPID.

JENNIFER DOESNT LIKE MCDONALDS SO???

MCDONALDS ISNT A POOR PEOPLE FOOD.

IM NOT POOR AND I GO TO THE MCDONALDS, SHES JUST BEING HEALTHY, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

WE HAVE AN AMAZING FANDOM JUST FOR HER.

WE STAND MY HER. WE LOVE HER. WE WILL BE FOREVER WITH HER, NOT LIKE YOU STUPID RUMOURS AND MAGAZINES THA JUST WANT TO MAKE MONEY WITH EVERY SILLY THING SHE SAYS.

Regardless of the trolling, HarryW raised the bar for ALL OF YOU:

THAT STRETCH OF THE GREASY MCDONALDS LINOLEUM FLOOR

WHERE THERE IS ONLY ONE SET OF FOOTPRINTS

THAT IS WHERE I CARRIED JENNIFER

TO THE SHITTER

Harry, if I had to name just one winner, it would be you. So, I hope you don’t mind sharing your victory with John Wayne in a Devo Hat, who gave us this musical treat:

Agreed! I don’t get it either. She’s so amazing. Can’t understand these comments at all. It’s like none of these people ever got super healthy & squirted out White Castle Pudding for 2 days before. Wrote a song about it. Goes like this:

So no one told you lunch was going to be this way.

Big Mac n fries n Coke, your personal chef is DOA.

It’s like you’re always living in dietary fear,

Well, it hasn’t been your day, now Big Mac is running out your rear.

But, I’ll be there for you, when your stomach starts to hurt.

I’ll be there for you, and your Hershey Squirts.

I’ll be there for you, cause you’re making liquid poo…

Simply marvelous, Devo Hat. Really, though, the Aniston thread was one of the best I’ve seen in all my readership, and everyone involved is encouraged to make a coffin for my mice. Because that’s what winners do, and you are all winners. To the rest: remember to keep your wits about you, and nominate your favorite comments of the week in the comments section of this very thread. For next week, the winner will receive a dead hawk via USPS, which I do expect returned to me professionally stuffed. There are several arrow wounds, so I hope that’s not a problem.


TAGSCOMMENTS OF THE WEEKHARRYWJENNIFER ANISTONJOHN WAYNE IN A DEVO HATMCDONALDSPOOP

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