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Comments of the Week: Weight Loss and Twinks

By / 07.01.13

It’s that time again! Your infrequently posted but nonetheless favorite post in all of the Uproxx lands. I know you’re all excited to see who wins a babysitting gig with six of my pet mice, so let’s get right to it.

As some of you haters hated, Morgan Spurlock is making a documentary about One Direction.Yes: it does look more like a commercial than the cultural inquiry I’d prefer. But no: it’s not interesting to dismiss the project. Save that bitterness for Bieber. Anyhoo, Chino Moreno retitled the film:

Super Twink Me

[Applause] While we’re showcasing Chino’s far-reaching talents as a wordsmith, here’s what she gave us on the trailer for that effectively nameless Stallone-Schwarzenegger vehicle, starring 50 Cent as a computer whiz:

Computer Expert 50 Cent is into writing text, he ain’t into making love.

[More Applause] Bravo, Chino. Now get off the stage. Let’s not forget the importance of People Who Make An Account Just To Hate, people like the aptonymic f*ckthissh*t [censorship courtesy of Yours Truly, betches], who has really important opinions about Max Landiss’ Man of Steel opinions:

I like it.

The majority of the audiences like it.

IMDB has it at 8.0 which is at the top 250.

The profesional critics and crybaby fanboys can go suck a dick and f*ck off.

The person who keeps submitting these threads can f*ck of.

The tiny minority bitching can equally f*ck off.

YOU CAN ALL IN FACT, F*CK OFF.

And stop making these whiny articles you fucking c*nts.

DAMN, GIRL. You sound more upset than a Kevin Smith fan late to McDonald’s breakfast. My mice would not like you or your certain Affliction T-shirt at all. Onward—this is something I’ve thought for a while, and I’m thrilled that someone finally worded it so spitefully. From the trailer for Thanks for Sharing, starring the Hulk and the Goop:

Rawhead Wrecks: Was Josh Gad like, created from all that weight Jonah Hill lost?

A+, Rawdog. And now for the Comment of the Week. Florida Friday posts are natural invitations to show off your jokes, as they should be. The light of this opportunity shines bright like the heavens this week, because of the following comment on the teenager named Bamboo Flute who stabbed his father:

Ace Rimmer: “Please, just call me Bamboo Flute. Pan Pipes Blanchard is my dad’s name.”

There you go, Ace Rimmer. Let me know if you can make it here by 9:00 to watch the mice (please do not bring any snakes, cats, or elephants). To the rest: remember to keep your wits about you, and nominate your favorite comments of the week in the comments section of this very thread. For next week, someone has to make me two mouse-sized coffins :'( and a bow and arrow that can shoot at least as far as however high a hawk can fly…

Honorable mention from Vince’s White House Down review:

Larry: So CT *doesn’t* lure squirrel down by offering him DEEZ NUTZ?

 


TAGSACE RIMMERCHINO MORENOCOMMENTS OF THE WEEKHATE MAILMICERAWHEAD WRECKS

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