THIS WEEK IN POSTERS – This Week in Posters & Stills is our weekly round-up (and critique) of all the posters, publicity stills, one-sheets, and set photos that hit in the previous week, a nice little early preview of what’s to come in the movie world. Posted every Wednesday, or as close as we can get. (Like Thursday, which is when we usually get to it).
OLDBOY: Here’s the first of a few new stills from Spike Lee’s Oldboy remake, courtesy of FilmDistrict. As much as I generally dislike Spike Lee, this shot makes me want to give him all of the moneys. Especially if Samuel Jackson plays some kind of smart-mouthed Simon Phoenix. Actually, speaking of Demolition Man, I wouldn’t be surprised if Denis Leary showed up in this to give Spike Lee’s requisite “why I hate all the ethnic groups” speech. I know that has nothing to do with Oldboy, but I have faith that Spike can find a way to work it in.
DOM HEMINGWAY: Well, what can we say about this Dom Hemingway poster that we haven’t already said?
I’ll simply say: I don’t know if a country can own a facial expression, but if so, that about as close to a “British” face as I’ve ever seen.
“Oy, an da ‘ole lot a yous kin fock roight off,” he sneered Britishly.
This intimate documentary follows the 12-year journey of two African-American families pursuing the promise of opportunity through the education of their sons.
I know these education documentaries are probably not just good entertainment but also important viewing, but if I could make a suggestion to the marketing team: maybe try to actively avoid people associating your movie with doing homework.
CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2: It’s a baked potato that’s also a hippo. Ha, I just got that. Also, neither here nor there, but russet potatoes are mealy garbage food that aren’t suitable for anything but french fries. I really need to start a separate site to house my food opinions. No one would read it but it’d be nice to get these things off my chest.
CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2: Nothing against these movies, because they’re great, but I like to look at this and try to imagine what I’d think if they were in a different language. This would be utterly baffling.
CORVIDAE: It’s going to be really hard not to call Maisie Williams “Arya” from now until eternity. F*CK OFF, BIRDS! WE TELL THE GOD OF DEATH “NOT TODAY!”
Anyway, no synopsis for this yet, and it’s not a credit to the poster that I have no clue what it might be about.
THE FIFTH ESTATE: It’s hard to encapsulate what Wikileaks means in the information age, so they just went with SERIOUS LOOKS. Benedict Cumberbatch’s whole mouth area still creeps me the hell out.
THE INEVITABLE DEFEAT OF MISTER AND PETE: Is it racist to point out that black folks sure seem to love stuff that rhymes? Whatever, forget I said that. Instead, let’s focus on how creepily well Anthony Mackie is pulling off the James Harden look, I barely recognized him. I always predicted big things for old Papa Doc, so it’s nice to see he’s in everything these days.
Coming of age story about two inner city youths, who are left to fend for themselves over the summer after their mothers are taken away by the authorities.
Yes, I still call him Papa Doc. I’m sorry, I will always see the world through the lens of 8 Mile. Just like Michael Shannon will always be that A-hole Greg Bruhl who banged B. Rabbit’s mom.
INFORMANT: Lord help me, I saw this poster and couldn’t think of anything but making this:
LAST VEGAS: It’s hard to resist a movie that seems to be about your favorite movie stars having lots of fun. But remember: they’re only that happy because they stole ten bucks from you.
MISSION PARK: Cool art, but it kind of has that Mr. Brainwash thing going, where it has provocative, trendy imagery that doesn’t actually amount to anything if you analyze it for more than two seconds.. “Get it? They built this city on guns, man!”
Four friends from the rough side of town grow apart when two are consumed by a life of crime, and the other two become FBI agents sent deep undercover – to bring down those childhood friends.
OUT OF THE CLEAR BLUE SKY: Well, I know exactly what this one’s about, so there’s that.
PLUS ONE: The only problem with this poster is that my eyes are so drawn to the vagina-gap area that I didn’t notice what the actual title was.
Three college friends hit the biggest party of the year, where a mysterious phenomenon disrupts the night, quickly descending into a chaos that challenges their friendships — and whether they can stay alive.
+10 points for strength of poster concept, +10 more for a pull quote that actually tells me something. Usually, the pull quote is just some guy I’ve never heard of calling it “a poetic tour de force of ethereal impressionism.”
And of course, +10 points for pasties and vaginal focal points. Here’s the trailer.
PRINCE AVALANCHE: The only way to make a movie called “Prince Avalanche” and not disappoint people when they find out Prince isn’t in it is to have Paul Rudd in Super Mario overalls.
PROXY: It’s always good to make a print of your newborn baby before you wash the blood and poop off of it, I always say. She’s about to burst! Get the construction paper!
RUNNING WILD: I kind of hate horses and horse people, but “Dayton O. Hyde” is easily the best cowboy name I’ve ever heard.
THE SECRET LIVES OF DORKS: No. Just no.
VISITORS: So the poster doesn’t tell us much, but it is from the director of Koyaanisqatsi, meaning a) what else do you need to know? And b) how could they possibly communicate what this is about through a poster?
I made a slow motion art film in college that was all about chicks peeing. Koyaanisquatsi, it was called. The dean threatened to have me arrested unless I destroyed it, but I’ve always said art should be dangerous.
WADJDA: Look, I’m not even trying to pronounce this until you put some more vowels in it.
An enterprising Saudi girl signs on for her school’s Koran recitation competition as a way to raise the remaining funds she needs in order to buy the green bicycle that has captured her interest.
…I Know Wadjda Did Last Summer? Yeah, that’s all I got.
THE GRANDMASTER: Someone seriously screwed up on that guy’s hands.
ZERO THEOREM: In case you weren’t already sold on this, I’m pretty sure guy under the electric pajamas is Peter Stormare, aka Karl Hungus. Also, it stars Christoph Waltz:
They say a picture says a thousand words, but to me this one just says “yes, please.” Here’s Terry Gilliam’s director’s statement, via The Film Stage:
When I made Brazil in 1984, I was trying to paint a picture of the world I thought we were living in then. The Zero Theorem is a glimpse of the world I think we are living in now. Pat Rushin’s script intrigued me with the many pertinent questions raised in his funny, philosophic, and touching tale. For example: What gives meaning to our lives, brings us happiness? Can we ever find solitude in an increasingly connected, constricted world? Is that world under control or simply chaotic?
We’ve tried to make a film that is honest, funny, beautiful, smart and surprising; a simple film about a complex modern man waiting for a call to give meaning to his life; about inescapable relationships and the longing for love; peopled with captivating characters, mouthfuls of wise and witty dialogue; raising questions without offering easy answers. Hopefully, it’s unlike any film you have seen recently; no zombies, no caped crusaders, no aliens or gigantic explosions. Actually, I might have lied about that last item.
Having not worked with a budget this small for several decades, I was forced to work fast and instinctively, pressured only by the lack of time and money. We relied on the freedom to spin on a dime, to make outrageous creative leaps. The results surprised even me. I’m proud to have been part of The Zero Theorem.
OLDBOY: Hey, it’s that one guy, old whatshisface. *checks IMDB* Rami Malek! He looks like a real stud in this. Get it? Because he has studs on his jacket? …Nevermind, man, nevermind.
So if you don’t shave for years, you just get a bunch of hair that grows over your mouth like that? Human bodies really are terrible designed.