The death knell of Blockbuster Video sounded a long time ago, but writing its obituary the other day was strangely cathartic. Turns out I had a lot of hate built up, and I apologize for none of it (obitchuary?). Last we heard, the store would be shutting its remaining doors in January. Apparently its actual in-store rentals ended a lot earlier than that. According to Newser, This is the End (our review) was the final ever in-store rental, from a Blockbuster location in Hawaii. What, no Blockbusters in Guam?
Blockbuster ended in-store rentals for good on Saturday night. So what was the final movie rental ever? Incredibly appropriately, it was Seth Rogen comedy This Is the End, checked out at 11pm in Hawaii, according to a tweet by the company.
I hope he hucks that DVD off the stern of a ship like the old lady in Titanic. Late charge this, you bastards.
Seth Rogen, meanwhile, took the opportunity to get all misty-eyed about the terrible-selection-having, exorbitant-late-fee charging, soulless corporate giant:
“This is nuts and sad,” the 31-year-old tweeted. “In high school I would go hang out at Blockbuster every day.”
Oh, Seth, I hope you’re just stoned. Misplaced nostalgia for Blockbuster Video would be the worst throwback since lopsided haircuts and high-waisted mom jeans (STOP TRYING TO MAKE THOSE HAPPEN! THEY LOOK TERRIBLE ON EVERYONE!). Blockbuster is not Starbucks, people didn’t hate it just because it was ubiquitous. Starbucks brought a decent, if generic, product to the table. Blockbuster just drove the independents out of business and then kept lowering the bar once they were gone. Higher late fees, no selection, return times designed specifically to screw you over – good riddance to that shit hole forever. If you were in high school now, Seth, you could hang out in a place that wasn’t showing a 15-minute f*cking loop of Patch Adams over and over all goddamn day.
I hope that guy watched This is the End pretending Michael Cera’s character represented Blockbuster. Showing up to the party, snorting all the coke, pissing everyone off, and eventually getting stabbed through the heart by an angry God and falling into a hole in the Earth. Now THAT would be cathartic.