Unless you used to hang out with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, you might not realize the post title is quite the compliment, as you readers and commenters really stepped it up this week.
We’ll kick things off with an Honorable Mention for Larry, who couldn’t resist expanding on one of last week’s highlighted comments about the possibility of Wes Anderson waking up one day and deciding he’s the Joker:
“Wanna know how I got these scarves?”
That’s a great line, but it’s about ten days late. Try to keep up this week.
Speaking of Batman characters, this week we learned that Adam Driver is up for the role of Nightwing in Superman vs Batman. Driver is of course better known as the sexually quirky Adam Sackler in Girls, which JeremyHyler already knew:
*standing jerking over batman, out of breathe*
Tell me how your parents died, was it bad? did he shoot them in the heart? Did the blood splash on your freckles. What about that opera, did it scare you? tell me when bane broke your back how bad did it hurt. what about when rachel died, di di di did yooooou mmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm.. uuuuuuuuh… ooooh….
The article claimed Driver resembles a “young John Hawkes,” but for my money he looks more like a cut-rate Lou Diamond Phillips… Lou Zirconia Phillips, if you will.
Meanwhile, speaking of Batman actors, George Clooney aired some dirty laundry this week, as he told Esquire magazine why he won’t work with assholes like Leo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe. However, speaking of Batman actors, Clooney isn’t hanging on to every grudge:
The Jersey Devil
Clooney had a beef with Val Kilmer once, but then Kilmer ate it. End of beef.
Speaking of guys named Batman, it was a bad week to be a petty thief junkie in Singapore, as Batman Bin Suparman found out. Kazoshay didn’t have to look far for a motive:
If both of your parents were murdered you’d be f*cked up, too.
Speaking of tiny superheroes, Mark Wahlberg parlayed his family’s burger joint into a reality show on A&E. Marky Mark was, of course, also the inspiration for and executive producer of Entourage, which was in the news this week amid swirling rumors that plus-size model Kate Upton would be cast as the female lead. I’m pretty much out of segues, so just take my word that the following comments are relevant to both posts:
Any colored belt will make your eyes pop. You just have to get yourself strangled with it long enough.
No boobs, but her massive gape will be on display.
This movie will also show dicks going in. Into mansions.
Speaking of dicks going in, Lars Von Trier turned over final cut of his five-hour orgasmi-tragicomedy Nymphomaniac, hopefully to some premature ejaculator who can get it over with quick so I can go to sleep already. The unwieldy feature length isn’t the only thing giving people pause:
It still bugs me that he placed the actors’ heads on porn actors’ bodies to make this film. More DGI, less CGI next time, Lars.
[That's code for "Dongs Going In" -Ed] Speaking of shooting early, a 17-year old Florida man responded to his father’s suggestion that he “wouldn’t know what to do with” Megan Fox by shooting him in the face. I’d make my own joke here but you guys took all the good ones:
To be fair, he really wouldn’t know what to do with that
“A shotgun? You wouldn’t know what to … BANG!”
The last time I was thinking about Megan Fox, someone also took a load in the face
Speaking of shooting loads and missing faces, this dolphin sure knows a few things to do with a headless fish corpse. For example, inspire Chino Moreno:
[It's] a fishlight.
He usually just jacks off into a sockeye.
Speaking of awful things being done in the water, the first trailers for Darren Aronofsky’s Biblical epic Noah dropped this week. You can’t put Jennifer Connelly in an Aronosky film without calling back to their infamous previous collaboration, as StalloneWolf knows:
“Ass! Two Ass!” -Noah ordering donkeys into the ark in a Darren Aronofsky movie.
Speaking of ass play, Yeni Sleidi had the inspired idea to ask some real-life lesbians to watch the acrobatic love scene in Cannes Palme d’Or winner Blue is the Warmest Color. One particularly colorful description led to this delightful exchange:
So…this kitchen product that can chop, slice, dice, puree and eat out my asshole? Is it available at the As Seen on TV Store?
Ass Scene on TV.
I found mine at Sharper Rimmage.
I’ve seen them on sale at Bed, Bath, & Behind
What, no love for Crate and Bunghole?
This post also gave us our Comment of the Week, thanks to the wonderfully literal question posed by the reviewer in the banner image:
“I don’t know, there was a lot of assplay in it. I don’t know if I find that hot. (*poking her cat’s butt*) Is that hot to you?”
If she doesn’t find it hot, why’s she fingering her pussy?
Speaking of fingering stuff, when you pick out your favorite comments from the coming week, make sure to post them below. I’ll be back to hand out the back pats and ass slaps next Sunday night. Until then, Congratulations to Stallonewolf and all of this week’s nominees.