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A Wahlburgers reality show starring Mark & Donnie Wahlberg is coming to A & E

By / 11.12.13

Johnny-Lager-at-wahlburgers-FilmDrunkshirt

We’ve been following Mark, Donnie, and Paul Wahlberg’s burger joint, Wahlburgers, since the day it was announced (including a review), and rumors of a reality show were going around soon as it opened. Now it seems reality has become reality, as the Wahlberg boys have signed on to appear in a reality show about the restaurant from A & E. The show will reportedly depict the Wahlberg fam and all their jack-off buddies as they try to run a restaurant chain. IT’S LIKE AWNTEROUGE OF BURGAH JOINTS, ONLY REAL!

The brothers have signed on to appear in an unscripted series for A&E Network that will center around their family-owned Hingham, Mass.-based restaurant, Wahlburgers.

A couple facts: their junior burger is called a “Smahlburger” and the cheese is referred to as “government cheese.” And for you food trendies, the special sauce has sriracha in it. POW!

The series, titled Wahlburgers, will give viewers a behind-the-scenes look into the family as well as their restaurant. The show finds Mark and Donnie heading back to their Boston hometown to join forces with their professed “most talented sibling,” Paul, who serves as executive chief.

I like to think Mark and Donnie were trying to throw their less famous brother a bone by calling him “the most talented sibling,” thinking the assembled reporters would laugh and ask a bunch of follow-up questions, but instead people just shrugged and went, “Sure, that makes sense.”

As for the show’s cast of characters, let’s compare my joke predictions to reality. Here’s what I wrote back in October 2011:

I ENVISION AT LEAST FOAH HUNDRED WAHLBURGAH FRANCHISES! ONE EACH FOAH EVRY HAHD ON FROM THE OLD NEIGHBAHOOD — TAWMMY, SNAWTLIPS, FRUITY PETE, DOZAH, CHEECH, LAHDASS MIKE, DAWNNY, PAULY, MIKEY, RAWNY, WOP RAWNY, DAHKY RICH, PISS TRAWFF, STINKFIST, AN THE WEEZ.

Now, here’s The Hollywood Reporter‘s story from today:

The hamburger restaurant also serves as a hangout for their friends and family, including the real Johnny “Drama” (Alves) and their mother, Alma, along with other members of the Wahlberg’s “original entourage,” including Henry “Nacho” Laun and Billy Leonard. [THR]

Wait, you mean we get to meet the real Johnny Drama? Oh how I’ve waited for this day. I hope there’s at least two camera crews trailing him as he shops for designer sneakers and asks the burger boys which color belt makes his “eyes pop.” (I haven’t watched Entourage in six years, but that one idiotic line about a belt making Drama’s eyes pop is forever scorched into my memory).

I guarantee this press release left out at least three members of the original entourage on account of racially insensitive nicknames.

MARK: “DAWNNY! Why does owah logo look like Guinea Pete’s nutsack?”

DONNIE: “Don’t lookit me, I didn’t design it.”

MARK: “Well if you didn’t, then who did?”

(In unison) “…DRAAAAMMMAAAA!”

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[Thanks again to Johnny Lager for the banner image. I expect to see some FilmDrunk shirts on this show.]


TAGSALMA WAHLBERGdonnie wahlbergMARK WAHLBERGMOVIE-THEMED FOODPAUL WAHLBERGReality TVWAHLBURGER

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