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Microsoft’s Magic Science Bra Will Keep You Hott

By / 12.05.13
MAKE AS MANY COMPUTER CHIPS AS YOU WANT, NERDS, YOU'LL NEVER FIGURE OUT THE CLIP

MAKE AS MANY COMPUTER CHIPS AS YOU WANT, NERDS, YOU’LL NEVER FIGURE OUT THE HOOKS


Noted poon tycoons Microsoft Researchers have discovered the perfect way to keep women thin AND maybe get to second base in the name of DEUS TECHNOLOGAE: the Stop Eating, Fatty bra. From CNET:

Mary Czerwinski, a research manager with Microsoft’s Visualization and Interaction Research Group, is studying how technology can help detect stress and give people tools for dealing with it. One of her recent projects involved the creation of a bra with embedded electrocardiogram and electrodermal activity sensors (PDF), as well as a gyroscope and accelerometer.

“It’s mostly women who are emotional overeaters, and it turns out that a bra is perfect for measuring EKG,” Czerwinski told Discovery News.

Huzzah! Finally, a way to regulate the Humours of Womenfolke.

The idea behind the prototype project is that women who have feedback about their moods can see the signs of stress that lead to overeating and make better decisions.

This is clearly the work of an accomplished nerd. I’m not talking about someone who likes Star Wars, comic books, or some other blockbuster cultural touchstone, I’m talking about an honest to Atheism, math-majoring, fedora-wearing Ayn Rand fan who doesn’t understand nuanced human emotions. Problem: people overeat as a coping mechanism for stress. Solution: tell them that their coping mechanism is making them unf*ckable, and they’ll stop because Logic and Science.

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