Jesse Eisenberg & Jeremy Irons Are Lex Luthor & Alfred In ‘Batman Vs. Superman’

The casting Gods have spoken: My Cocaine is out, and Scar is in.

Because we are a nation of children, the casting news coming out of WB and Zack Snyder’s Batman vs. Superman movie has been followed as eagerly as the Super Bowl and American Idol combined. Today, Warner Bros announced in a press release that Jesse Eisenberg would play Superman’s presumably Aspergersy nemesis Lex Luthor, while Jeremy Irons would take over for Michael Caine as new Batman Ben Affleck’s butler.

Warner Bros. Pictures announced today that Jesse Eisenberg has been set to star as Lex Luthor and Jeremy Irons will play Alfred in the upcoming Zack Snyder untitled Superman/Batman film.

Snyder stated, “Lex Luthor is often considered the most notorious of Superman’s rivals, his unsavory reputation preceding him since 1940. What’s great about Lex is that he exists beyond the confines of the stereotypical nefarious villain. He’s a complicated and sophisticated character whose intellect, wealth and prominence position him as one of the few mortals able to challenge the incredible might of Superman. Having Jesse in the role allows us to explore that interesting dynamic, and also take the character in some new and unexpected directions.”

Also, he’s bald.

The director added, “As everyone knows, Alfred is Bruce Wayne’s most trusted friend, ally and mentor, a noble guardian and father figure. He is an absolutely critical element in the intricate infrastructure that allows Bruce Wayne to transform himself into Batman. It is an honor to have such an amazingly seasoned and gifted actor as Jeremy taking on the important role of the man who mentors and guides the guarded and nearly impervious façade that encapsulates Bruce Wayne.”

That’s why there’s no Batman in third world countries – poor infrastructure.

Snyder’s film stars Henry Cavill, reprising his role as Superman/Clark Kent, Ben Affleck as Batman/Bruce Wayne, and Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman/Diana Prince. The film also reunites “Man of Steel” stars Amy Adams, Laurence Fishburne and Diane Lane.

The new film is currently being written by Chris Terrio, from a screenplay by David S. Goyer.

The film is set to open worldwide on May 6, 2016. [official press release]

Jesse Eisenberg definitely has that fast-talking, emotionally-detached sociopath thing down. In fact, so far it’s been his only acting move. And there’s something fitting about the guy who played Mark Zuckerberg being Lex Luthor. Given that Eisenberg seems to be the only actor that the internet hates more than Michael Cera, I can’t wait for the fanboy tears about this one. I want to drink them, but they’re so dandruffy! Does dandruff dissolve? Maybe I can strain it through cheese cloth.

As for Jeremy Irons, judging by his ridiculous Borgias accent, I’m assuming this marks a shift from da noice inglish boy from da wrong soide a da tracks Alfred of the Dark Knight years back to the stiff, pompous, vichyssoise-swilling Alfred of the Michael Keaton years. I’m pouring out a Fernet Brancer in his honor.

UPDATE: Has Jesse Eisenberg Known He Was In ‘Batman Vs. Superman’ Since October?

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