Welcome back, dear readers. Fresh off the plane from the Masters of Photoshop Conference, I offer the best contributions from your fellow commenters. There’s even some family friendly material! So bring your wife, bring your kids, bring that special someone who only exists in your darkest fantasies—it’s Comments of the Week!
We begin with the surliest of badgers, who left us this little nugget next to Vince’s Transcendence review:
The Surly Badger: “Anything can be a dildo if you’re brave enough.” – Abraham Lincoln
Out of nowhere, Badger, just how I like ‘em. Since we’re already here, let’s take a look at some of the Johnny-Depp-as-a-computer jokes:
Stallonewolf: As far as computers go, the Depp model is attractive, but is burdened by an overabundance of accessories.
And my personal favorite:
Verbal Kunt: So, do we see the dongle going in?
If Johnny Depp’s accessories are evenly distributed, his dick has at least its nose pierced. Speaking of dicks, Blue Mountain State, which is a thing people have heard of, has a kickstarter campaign for something or whatever—who cares. The point is, Burnsy made a passing wish for a MANswers movie, and then this:
Danker: MANSWERS: The only show with enough balls to answer your Questosterones. You’ve got questosterones? We’ve got manswers.
BTW, MANswers is available on Hulu. As for the movie—the Church of MANswers (or cult, depending on who you ask) is at the center of an investigation into a series of grisly “accidents.” First, the body of John-David Benoit, nephew to commissioner Benoit, is found with his testicles in pieces. Disciples of MANswers swear that John-David in fact farted so hard his balls exploded, but the innocence of the aloof Pastor Chad is called into question after his dick topples a crowded parking garage. Was his boner really so hard that it could smash rocks? Did his wife really drown from accidentally squirting too much? Will Commissioner Benoit learn how to solve cases just from looking at the boobs? Find out when MANswers hits theaters nationwide!
Moving on to the obligatory Samuel Feckett contribution. From the time where they tried to explain why there weren’t black people in Noah:
Samuel Feckett: Darren Aronofsky: “Should we include black people in the cast?”
Ari Handel: “No, leave them out. They won’t be mythed.”
Solid pun, Feckett. Keep up the good work. Oh right, I mentioned the family-friendly material. Remember that drunk court reporter who typed “I hate my job” over and over again? Sure you do!
Al:In the adjacent courtroom, things got fashionable when their court reporter went vogue.
Heyoooohh! But shhhh! Do you hear, FilmDrunkards? It’s the approaching footsteps of the comment of the week. How it clicks, how it clacks, how it stomps from end to end of its conquered kingdom! You may remember that Quinton Aaron, aka the guy from the Oscar-winning and Racism-ending Blind Side, was kicked off a US Airways flight because 1 seat wasn’t big enough for the two of him. Fortunately for us, Verbal Kunt saved the day:
Verbal Kunt: “Yer sittin’ in that boy’s seat.”
“Nah, he’s sittin’ in mahne.”
Perfect. Just absolutely perfect, Kunt. Here’s a portrait of you:
You can purchase a larger version for $10,000. Everyone else, remember to keep your wits about you and nominate your favorite comments in the comments section to this very thread. Next week’s winner must pose nude for their portrait.
This week’s honorable mention goes to BurnsyFan66, for his excellent storytelling.
BurnsyFan66:Perfect timing fellas!! I am in a downward spiral of depression with The Ultimate Warrior dying and can use the diversion.
A lot of people aren’t aware, but the reason Warrior died was because his buddies stopped having him on their wrestling podcast and he died from a broken heart. I’m not saying Burnsy is going to die if you don’t have him on soon, but with Frotcast 200 on the horizon, it is time you have good old Ashley back on (Laremy too, he’s the Sting to Burnsy’s Warrior).
Don’t ever change, BurnsyFan66.
I want more like this!
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