Whoop whoop, my ninjas, it’s time for another dispatch from the insane world of insane clowns. As you may have heard, Insane Clown Posse had a little trouble paying their vendors at The Gathering this year. Possibly as a result, a Juggalo Jenius calling himself Papa Nutt has created a Bitcoin-like currency specifically for Juggalos called JuggaloCoin.
Mr. Nutt explains on JuggaloCoin.org, where he puts the G back in dot O-R-G.
JuggaloCoin (JUG) is different. JuggaloCoin is focused on a specific community of PEOPLE, and offers huge benefits for them. Some of these include:
1. Keeping funds in the family. The most important thing to understand about Juggalo culture is that it is all about Family and helping each other out. By spending Juggalo Coins, Juggalos can be certain that their money is going to someone who is “down with the clown.”
2. Promoting the positive aspects of the Juggalo lifestyle. Juggalos receive a lot of bad press, and our goal is for Juggalo Coin is to present the message that you shouldn’t believe all the hysteria you may read, and that we are a community standing together to help and support our own. This could actually produce some positive news stories about Juggalos for once.
3. Supporting Juggalo charities. There are already Juggalo-specific charities, and we’re hoping that Juggalo Coin will become the preferred way to donate to them. To facilitate this, we are offering an enormous reward to the first two certified Juggalo Charities that sign up to accept Juggalo Coin. See details in the “bounties” section.
4. Promoting recognition of February 17 as international “Juggalo Day.” The first Juggalo Day was celebrated in 2012, and in a couple of short years it has grown into a huge event featuring special shows by ICP and several days of madness. Of course, we understand that Juggalo Day is probably never going to become an official national holiday. That’s not the goal. The goal is for recognition, in the same way that 4/20 is recognized as a marijuana holiday.
Oh hell yes, I want a full report on the Juggalo charities JUG is being used to support. “Whoop whoop, my ninjas, Dirty D needs all y’all’s help gettin’ his bitch-ass ex-wife her child support before some hatin’ ass judge throws his fat ass back in the pen for his third strike. Also, Mama Gypsy almost done choked on a space cake and because she ain’t got health insurance, now she needs help payin for her C-PAP machine. FAM-UH-LEE! FAM-UH-LEE!”
We’re not trying to immediately put the majority of the coins into circulation. Instead, we will “prime the well” by distributing 470,890 (about 1% of the eventual total) coins directly to Juggalos.
We call it “The Hatchet Drop” and it will take place on Twitter.
The way it works is simple. If you are a Juggalo, you simply tweet your JuggaloCoin (JUG) address along with the hashtags #JuggaloCoin and #Coins4Fam. And provide some visible evidence that you are actually a Juggalo.
That’s right, ninjas, if you show up with less than hatchet tat, you could be on the receiving end of some Juggalo Justice.
If someone is pretending to be a Juggalo just to get coins, that’s basically stealing from the Family. PUBLICLY. Trust me, that’s not something you want to do.
And what of JuggaloCoin’s mysterious mastermind? Approximately how down with the clown is this ninja?
I prefer to believe that 1 Clown Lane is simply an unincorporated road outside Cave-in-Rock where the cops can’t come because Uncle Ken inherited the house so now there’s Faygo wrestling and girls with their titties out in the back and haters can’t say shit.