Transformers: Age of Extinction is set far in the future from the previous three, long after the much-celebrated death of Shia Lebeouf and Megan Fox’s tragic Ferrari-washing accident, in a world where Mark Wahlberg has to try to pay his daughter’s way through porn star college by digging through junk heaps. One day he finds some junk and he’s like “Come heah, you guys, I think it’s a Transfawmah!”
It turns out to be Optimus Prime, but then Stanley Tucci is pissed because the government, until a big space thing comes and gives birth to a gun baby that shoots Optimus in the chest. That’s when Marky Mark gives him a talking to, and they realize they need to kick things into high gear if they want to save the Earth from the flying space deal that wants to do bad stuff to us. How do you fight a technologically superior enemy? With dinosaurs, of course. So Optimus Rides off to fight them on top of Grimlock, the dinosaur robot, with a big sword.
There’s been some debate on the internet about whether the space thingy is Unicron or Galvatron (have you ever noticed that the most thorough Wikipedia entries are for cartoon characters?). I don’t really have a dog in that fight because I’m not 11, but I’ll bet you a thousand dollars they had to talk Michael Bay out of adding a “Fagatron.” Probably based on critics.
Opens June 27th. HD available at Apple.
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