Freddy Got Fingered
The Usual Suspects
Buena Vista Pictures
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"For His 72nd Birthday, A Look Back At Roger Ebert’s Best Bad Movie Reviews"
The review for “Shark Sandwich” was merely a two word review which simply read, “Shit Sandwich.”
There’s a fine line between clever and stupid
Now he’s just nit-picking.
What’s wrong with being sexy?
You can’t print that!
Skip to 2:02 for Freddy Got Fingered:
This always makes me laugh (and I still love the movie even though it is fucking horrible)
Why the hell is Chocobo race music from Final Fantasy VII playing in the background?
Not sure, it’s the only video I could find with the review. More importantly, why the hell do you know the name of that song?
Because in order to get the golden chocobo, he had to pour a lot of hours into that mini-game.
No memorable lines in Tommy Boy? Gens X & Y beg to differ.
“Fat guuuuy in a little cooooat”
“R.T. I lost my virginity to your daughter for crying out loud……….Rob, you were there.”
Whores running around, doing their little behind-shake for the men folk…
He’s a big dumb animal, folks
“Hey I’ll tell you what, you can take a good look at a butcher’s ass by sticking your head up their, but wouldn’t you rather take his word for it?”
“It’s called reading. Top to bottom, left to right. Group words together to form sentences. Take Advil for any headaches, Midol for any cramps.”
Should we keep going?
Mmm he seems like a nice guy.
Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?
Lots of people graduate college in 6 years.
Yeah, they’re called doctors
Wait, it’s gotta be your bull
Apparently they give a lot fewer D+’s than D-‘s. It’s not a grade they like to give out, I’ll tell you that right now
“Who’s your favorite Little Rascal? Alfalfa? Or is it Spanky? (giggles) Sinner.”
“I’m starting to pick up on your sarcasm.”
“Well, I should hope so, because I’m laying it on pretty thick. “
“I need your John Hancock.”
“Pfft. It’s Herbie Hancock.”
“Not so much here or here really, but right here.”
“Pretty maids all in a row.”
“Shut up Richard.”
“Luuukkkee I ammmm your faaathher.”
I don’t think i’ve even been to a website that hosts reviews
God damn. Rest in Peace.
(*trying not to be offended*) I’ll just leave this here.
(*points to the door*)
I like the SCTV reference in his Stargate review. Obviously Roger was a fan of Big Jim McBob and Billy Sol Hurok.
Excellent synopsis of Armageddon.
Yeah, that was a masterpiece.
@Vince Mancini Clearly you and Laremy are the Siskel & Ebert of the internet age (just get him to ditch that Brevet guy).
I heard Siskel was even a jitser. He used to do shoulder throws on Ebert during breaks on set.
What the hell is North? He really hated that one.
Its a movie about a kid “elijah wood” wanting different parents because his are strick. He goes around the world seeking different families. Its a 90s movie in a nutshell and no one but me remembers it for some reason. Plus bruce willy in a bunny suit.
He hated that one so much that his review is the title of a collection of his writing about bad movies: “I Hated Hated Hated This Movie”.
It’s a lot of fun to read, especially (and fittingly) in the bathroom.
Did you guys discuss this before posting? Too perfect. It smacks of fake and gay.
I shamelessly love Armageddon but that’s a hilarious quote
I can’t flip past it when it’s on tv. I won’t apologize.
complete diabetic indulgence movie. he nailed it though. It’s basically a 2 hour Aerosmith video.
On the movie The Spirit
by Roger Ebert
“The Spirit” is mannered to the point of madness. There is not a trace of human emotion in it. To call the characters cardboard is to insult a useful packing material.”
Still makes me laugh.
I never saw eye to eye with Ebert. I never saw him as useful for predicting what movies I’d like. But the guy was a very good writer.
Personally, the review for Joe Dirt would just make 12 year old me want to watch it even more
That has to be sarcasm, right? I feel like I usually pick up on that, but it just seems too sincere.
God that guy was good at reviewing. Thanks for including his irrational hatred of North
Freddy Got Fingered and Usual Suspects are still fantastic movies, so I have no idea why he’d be so cheeky in those reviews.
Every single line from beginning to end in Tommy Boy is memorable.
if you were 14 when it came out and you were dropped on your head a lot as a child.
Underball is trolling again folks- do not be tempted by the magical trolling! Look away! Save yourself!!!
“Let’s see … what’s going to be the most scathing?”
“Ah. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigilo it is!”
It’s not his birthday because he’s dead.
Also, thanks for the great reminder that people that only create critics about others creations as advancements in mankind are as much trash as they put into their worst reviews.
Thanks for your opinion, Hemingway’s anal bead.
Yeah, celebrating dead people’s birthdays is so lame, regardless of who they are/ were.
From here on out, no one gets Presidents’ Day off, and Christmas is CANCELLED.
The guy who wrote Beyond The Valley of The Dolls cannot diss Caligula. Just sayin’.
Amen. Ebert was responsible for this: “This is my happening and it freaks me out! “
Red Letter Media’s Half in the Bag is my new Siskel and Ebert. Obviously without heated arguments, but with way more shitting on crappy movies and intentionally getting facts wrong
So I guess the overarching theme of manipulation was lost on him while viewing “The Usual Suspects”…
I still think his review of Usual Suspects is so negative simply because he got duped by Kevin Spacey and Christopher McQuarrie, and he feels he’s supposed to be smarter than actors and movie writers.
Still my favorite review of a bad movie is AO Scott on Pearl Harbour, to wit:
“The Japanese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor that brought the United States into World War II has inspired a splendid movie, full of vivid performances and unforgettable scenes, a movie that uses the coming of war as a backdrop for individual stories of love, ambition, heroism and betrayal. The name of that movie is ”From Here to Eternity.”
Ebert hated The Usual Suspects?!?!
You shut your whore mouth and die, Roger Ebert!
Oh, yeah… sorry…
He didn’t like DIE HARD, either.
Ebert sometimes had astoundingly wrong-headed reactions to genre films. But if there was a nice pair of tits in it he was most forgiving. Just look at his favourable reviews of those atrocious TOMB RAIDER movies.
Ebert loved tits.
Not for nothing, but when Roger started writing his blog I just so happened to be going through the worst life crisis at 30 years old (mother passing away after a battle with cancer and finding out my spouse was engaged in an affair with a co-worker). I found his community to be very engaging, and we had several spirited debates about many varied things (I was the resident non-religious right-wing conservative among a deep pool of liberals). Roger fired a few shots across my bow a couple times, but when he learned of what I was going through, he sent me an email of support. Growing up, regarding Roger as one of the bulwarks of my tv viewing throughout childhood, the only thing that would have meant more to me would be to receive an email from Mr. Rogers.
Regardless of his politics, his reviews, etc., he was a good person. I hope he is at peace.
Reblogged this on Dude, Are You Serious? and commented:
If anyone knows about eroticism, it’s Roger Ebert.
You again. Nobody is going to click on your fucking spam shithead. Cut it out.
The New York Times called, Freddy Got Fingered “BRILLIANT!”???
That was only an excerpt from the review. The entire quote was “Avoiding this movie would be a BRILLIANT move.”
Ebert changed his opinion of Freddy Got Fingered a few years prior to his death.
I saw him and Siskel argue about The Hunger, and I knew I liked him better when he essentially became fixated on the lesbian scene. One of us! One of us!
I just went to his website to see if his written review was like that. MIT sort of is.
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