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The Christian Post Is Pretty Upset About Today’s Filthy Comedians

By / 06.10.14
AmySchumer-Fallon

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I recently came across an editorial on the Christian Post entitled “Sex, Shock ‘n Sacrilege: Are You Aware How Dirty Comedy Has Become?”, and my God I don’t think I’ve ever clicked so fast. It was written by Larry Tomzcak, author of “God, the rod, and your child’s bod: The art of loving correction for Christian parents” among other titles, and for me it really doesn’t get much better than deliberately sheltered grandparents emailing each other blasphemy catalogs to titillate each other while they feign disgust. TELL ME WHAT NEW BATHROOM TALK LITTLE BILLY PICKED UP FROM THE FILTH TUBE!

Recently I checked out of a hotel but not before engaging the lady at the counter for a possible gospel-sharing opportunity.

Wow, right out of the gate and this guy already sounds like someone I’d walk into the street to avoid. No fair, man, if you’re not at least holding a clipboard that’s entrapment.

She related to me how her husband had just taken her to see a certain comedian (whose reputation is pure filth). She admitted that she sat there blushing, squirming, wincing and cringing at the nonstop profanity and sexual themes but didn’t realize what she was getting into when her husband first invited her.

He goes on like this for a while, throwing around compliments like “pure filth” without naming names or citing example. GET TO THE POINT, BRO, THESE PEARLS AREN’T GONNA CLUTCH THEMSELVES.

Growing up with wholesome Westerns you probably enjoyed John Wayne and Gary Cooper or shows like The Lone Ranger, Bonanza, Roy Rogers and others.

“Sometimes a lady would get hysterical and the Duke would pop her a quick one across the kisser. She’d thank him and they’d have to get married, it was a simpler time.”

Hollywood grabs hold of the western genre and gives us a “humorous” spoof. One in theaters now is “A Million Ways to Die in the West.”

This movie has 50plus F-words and blasphemes God’s name 24 times with obscenities and sexual crudities throughout. There’s masturbation, anal and oral sex, bestiality, nudity, defecation, copulation, prostitution, drugs and nonstop profane dialogue.

I had a sexual crudite platter at my last pagan cocktail orgy, it was sacrilicious.

- Cable TV offers us hilarious comedians like Amy Schumer, celebrated as “The New Queen of Shocking TV Comedy.” She does a military rape sketch and another one about sloppy sex on a plane.

- “Louie” — critics say this show is “The best!” “Groundbreaking!” He’s a divorced, hapless guy who bounces from one titillating, gross out scene to another. He mocks AIDS; acts out oral sex in his car; there’s bathroom hijinks and sexual references galore. “A comic genius!”

He mocks AIDs?! How dare he disparage God’s plague against the gays!

“Girls” — this HBO comedy series is the opposite of “Sex and the City.” Frumpy Lena Dunham takes off her clothes, urinates, and does all kinds of outlandish things you wouldn’t expect from a girl.

Girls urinate?! Why I never! I expected them to pee from their butt, with legs closed tight enough to hold a wintergreen life saver, which cuts the asparagus smell. Repent, Lena Dunham, you frumpy vagina-peeing jezebel!

Cutting edge, no-holds-barred, gross-you-out comedians? No problem, there’s a busload coming to comedy clubs, arenas, TV and books for you. Billboard Magazine just did a cover story [link mine] with 16 full pages on this major trend celebrating how raunch comedians sell out theaters and tours with their no embarrassment, nothing sacred, in your face, hard-core humor. Audiences especially love the potty-mouth, profane women who’ll tell you everything you want to know about romance, dating, sex, abortion, lesbianism, periods and menopause.

These kids today and their menopause talk! Why, just the other day, my 15-year-old grand niece came over on her way home from home school and it was all “hot flash” this and “vaginal dryness” that! Where does a home-schooled deaf girl even learn such things? Closed captioning, that’s where! When I was growing up, we didn’t have subtitles. And nickels had pictures of bees on them! Give me five bees for a quarter, we’d say!

Chelsea Handler tours, does her nightly TV show and hawks her mega seller books. Sarah Silverman does her improv and standup routines as a Jewish atheist who recently said on Bill Maher’s comedy show that unborn babies are just “goo.”

Oh come one, Joel Osteen sells more books than Chelsea Handler, and I’m pretty sure he’s just a Real Doll head attached to a mop handle.

The other day I saw a photo of Miley Cyrus laughing straddled atop a giant inflatable male organ. It’s part of her act. Her defenders say it’s “humorous entertainment for the kids. It’s modern-day comedy – part of her act. It’s harmless.”

Okay, come on, guy, who are you even quoting now? No one says that. I also enjoy that the religious right likes to blame Miley Cyrus on sinful Hollywood, when it was middle America and all that fake wholesome Disney Channel crap that made her a star in the first place.

I believe Jesus is in tears at this moment for the United States of America just as He was in tears as he overlooked Jerusalem in His day. There is no way to sugar coat or soft-pedal what is happening in our country right now. We all should be in tears – tears of repentance and intercession that God would have mercy, grant us more time to share the gospel and spare us before it’s too late. [ChristianPost]

People often accuse me of mocking the religious, which is mostly unfair. Except when it comes to mocking the ones who hate swear words, because hell yeah I do that, it’s the funnest shit ever. Even as a child I could never understand why someone would come up with a word and then decide that everyone who used it was bad. Who makes a decision like that? That the concept of “vulgar words” exists in different languages proves that humans are all essentially superstitious idiots. We’re like elephants that stampede over mice, except dumber, because at least mice are tangible.

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TOPICS#girls
TAGSAMY SCHUMERCHELSEA HANDLERCHRISTIAN EDITORIALScomedylena dunhamlouis ckSARAH SILVERMANSETH MACFARLANE

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