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This Week In Netflix And Streaming: NSFW French Sexy Times, Adam Sandler, And More!

By / 08.28.14
Blended

Warner Bros.


You guys, football season starts really soon! I bring this up because it coincides nicely with Hollywood, Los Angeles, and New York City actually trying again. You see, they’ve all been on vacation in Bora Bora, that’s why we’ve all been treated to a summer of retreads and sad streaming. Except for The Last Ship. That summer programming was dope. Plus, you know, Rhona Mitra.

Here, take a look:

That fan made video was made with so much love! Mitra is like this generation’s Dr. Christmas Jones, and it was high time y’all got one. Plus, you can watch the whole season, though with ads, on the TNT site [here]. Solid segue! Now onto the other streaming and DVD quasi-goodness.

Top Netflix Streamer of the Week
Young and Beautiful
From Netflix:

Told in four seasons with four songs, this film portrays the coming of age of a French teenager, from her sexual awakening to exploring her identity.

From Me:
Well then. When I was growing up I’m fairly certain no one explored their identity with me. I got the fully cooked and embittered ones. This movie looks great though, an excellent way to spend Labor Day weekend with your pants off. [Editor's Note: This review says it "provides sex and nudity, but no soul." Ding ding ding! I think that's my exact Match.com headline.]
Streamability: Run it up the flagpole and see!

Netflix Curio of the Week
BoJack Horseman
I’m going to get real as poop with you right now; I hadn’t heard of this Bojack Netflix series before I set down to do my research for this column. Then I watched the trailer embedded below. Yikes, man, yikes. It is not funny in the rain, nor in Spain. If this is all they have to offer they are truly and properly screwed. If anyone out there has watched it, give us the scoopy scoop. Perhaps I’m mistaken and the generic trailer was meant to throw us off the scent.
Streamability: I’m waiting for the Internet jury to come in.

Uncalled For Sequel of the Week
Barbershop 2: Back in Business
This movie looks like it was filmed without a tripod, but it doesn’t completely embarrass itself against the original. Has Ice Cube every played anything different? Like, you’d never see Cube doing Will Smith’s part in The Crying Game, would you? He’s always just surly Ice Cube, the guy who does beer commercials and tries to have a good day. There’s something to be said for consistency.
Streamability: I could see an edge case where you did so.

Top Netflix Stinker of the Week
The Motel Life
Whenever a trailer starts with that one solitary piano note you know you’re in for a treat. Bonus level: if they have the camera shot from the front of the car, in the dark and rainy night, with only the headlights to guide the way. Classic visual metaphor. This looks like the sort of movie a bunch of people you’ve heard of got involved with, then it was swallowed whole be the Earth, never to be seen again. But here it is! Can I interest you in some Dakota Fanning? In the movie. This isn’t some weirdo matchmaking service.
Streamability: Errr, probably not.

Top Paid Streaming of the Week
The Other Woman (Amazon, Google = $4.99)
It has an earnest effort going, only it’s so tame that it never has any prayer of being taken seriously. As in “revenge” is the entire point of the movie, and they go around doing silly nonsense like laxatives and hair removal. What happened to strychnine? Or setting him up to get hit by a bus? I hate it when romantic comedies try to make everything pleasant with their revenge fantasies. No one in real life plans such pointless plots. Clear out the bank account? Now you’re talking. Especially if dude was gettin’ wit’ Kate Upton on the side. His life needs to be hit by a bus at that point. Revenge is a dish best served by the front of a bus.
Streamability: You could put it on as a date night to show your significant other how you’re a better writer than what’s going on here.

DVD Only
Austin and Ally: Chasing the Beat
Call me old fashioned, but I’m much more of a ‘Dog with a Blog’ or ‘Liv and Maddie’ kind of guy. Still, even I can admit ‘Austin and Ally’ has its charms. I’m not sure if the below is the trailer, or just the song, but the running theme of the show is that Ally helps Austin write songs. He’s a bit of an idiot. They are joined by his friend (an even bigger idiot) and a small Latina manager (who is Ally’s best friend). Evidently, in this movie, they all chase the beat together. If the regular TV show is any guide, there’s a ‘Friends’-style love angle between Ally and Austin, they both like each other but are afraid to admit it. All I know is it has got to be horrible to try and be as skinny as either of them.
Streamability: Can’t be streamed, but I had good material so I went with it.

Top Netflix Streamer of the Week
Blended (Amazon, Google = $4.99)
It gets super close to getting racist, right up to the line, before backpedaling into more awful humor instead. Better to be mediocre than offensive, that’s what they always say! You should know up front that Adam Sandler has a dead wife. I’m only telling you that because you’ll guess instantly, and the movie holds onto this shred of “suspense” like a snapping turtle with a baby duck.

I remember when movies such as The Wedding Singer were charming, heck even 50 First Dates had its moments. Blended is not those, it’s The Brady Bunch meets a face punch. There’s never any doubt how any of this is going to play out. The whole enterprise seems to have been conceived so that the cast and crew could take a vacation for a few months on the studio’s dime, though I imagine that company was laundering money anyway. Whadda world!
Streamability: I’m not saying not to. We all have to battle our demons.

Laremy is on Twitter and would have liked to been on that Blended crew.

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