As Netflix is snoozing after a big turkey dinner, I figured we’d do something a leeeeeetle different around these parts this time around. My plan? List off some films you can find on Netflix to help you avoid your family.
These are those, all streamable and ready for your enjoyment!
Top Netflix Streaming of the Week
The Breakfast Club
I can’t quite put my finger on what makes The Breakfast Club special. The complete lack of templatization that would come soon afterward? The rando characters, or the idea of Emilio Estevez as a wrestler? There’s plenty to chew on here. Before we all had screens to check out with (and thank God we do now), you sort of had to just learn to interact with people. The main character here is teenage angst, and if we did a sequel it would be called “Celebratory Fist Pumps Don’t Lead to a Stable Financial Future.” However, maybe it’s not about that, maybe it’s about Claire and the fact that Pitch Perfect homaged the film. I don’t know man, I have a lot of confusion around the whole enterprise, but I feel that way about reunions and prison time too.
Top Netflix Streaming Movie about Gladiators of the Week
Gladiator
A lot of times, around the Film Drunk headquarters, I’ll say, “The time for honoring yourself will soon come to an end.” That may not be the exact quote, but people get it. And then they back the eff off. Vince with his “deadlines” man, you wouldn’t even believe the harassment we go through. Here is where Rid Scott has his fastball working. Is Exodus going to be any good? Personally, I have it ranked third in the Torah. Numbers is pretty awful though, so it’s really only competing against four other books. Yeah, I think it will be good too.
Top Netflix Streaming Documentary of the Week
Jiro Dreams of Sushi
Show this to your family after they produce some Thanksgiving slop for you to force down. Then scream, “This is what people who care about their craft act like!” Freaking Jiro man, that guy makes OCD look A-Okay in my oft-delayed book.
Top Netflix Streaming Animation of the Week
Lilo & Stitch
Underrated, and not considered part of any golden era. WRONG. A weirdo focus on Elvis helps, as does Stich, an adorable alien. Was he an alien? He was definitely not normal. Even if he wasn’t an alien, I’m still calling him one, because he couldn’t have been a citizen. Worst case, he was a resident alien and my argument stands.
Pretty sure one of the writers or directors here went on to direct or write How to Train Your Dragon, proving once again that the general public is usually about a decade behind on spotting talent. Which means pretty soon I’m going to be working for some prestigious place (maybe a culinary school?) and ordering up my drone army. We will attack from the sky, the sun behind us.
Top Netflix Streaming Film about Addiction of the Week
Trainspotting
Nothing says “family” like heroin addiction and dead babies crawling at you upside-down. The soundtrack is dynamite too. This would be a great way to get rid of any relatives who wanted to talk politics. I chose leisure wear and matching luggage, plus the junk food. Remember what I said about Dean Dubois and Chris Sanders up above (they were the Lilo teammates who went on to Dragon)? Just replace their names with Danny Boyle. This film made a pittance in theaters, $16 million, because people are the worst. There’s a scoop for you.
Top Netflix Streaming Submarine Suspense of the Week
Hunt for the Red October
The Soviet National Anthem is pretty great, and this is before women were allowed to serve on ships, so no falsettos messing up the works. I would also claim that this was the most well thought out language change, from Russian to English, in cinematic history. Haters ding Sean Connery’s Scottish accent as a Russian Sub commander, but I think they are entirely missing the point of what we’re doing here.
Top Netflix Streaming Television of the Week
“The Tudors” / “The Borgias”
They are pretty similar – violence followed by despicable people followed by sexy balling out. Natalie Dormer is in “The Tudors”, but you might remember her from “Game of Thrones” as Margaery Tyrell, the special lady who is willing to get her brother involved with a threesome if that helps move things along with her intended mate. Seems like she’d have a lot to offer a young man. I looked up our horoscope compatibility and found the following:
“Pisces (Natalie) wants to connect at an emotional level. Such things can cause plenty of conflicts, but usually the submissiveness of the Pisces can help this couple to sustain through rough times.”
Exactly. Anyway, if you need me, I’ll be dating Natalie Dormer.
Re: “The Borgias” there’s fun going on here too. Fans really wanted a 4th season, but I think all of the resources went to a show about a lady judge with an attitude or something instead. If you binged watched both of these series back-to-back you’d probably be morally ready to run people over in crosswalks. Happy Turkey Day Y’all!
That’s all I’ve got, there are very few “thanksgiving” films worth a damn, probably because we all just want to eat and watch football, maybe drink a little grain alcohol. As for myself, I’m making filet mignon crostinis with pesto. That’s right y’all, I chose something else.
Laremy is on Twitter but he still likes to party.