When Fifty Shades Of Grey opens this Valentine’s Day, American teenagers under the age of 17 will need to be accompanied by an adult, on account of graphic nudity and its depiction of what the MPAA calls “unusual behavior.” In the UK, the age is 15. And in France? 12.
French children as young as 12 can head to see the highly-anticipated erotic drama “Fifty Shades of Grey” on its release Wednesday, after the country’s film board decided against giving it an adult certificate.
France’s classification president, Jean-Francois Mary, deemed that the movie, starring Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson, “isn’t a film that…can shock a lot of people.”
Mary considers the film, that contains scenes of nudity and sadomasochism between an entrepreneur and a virginal student, “a romance, you could even say schmaltzy.” [AP]
I know we love to make fun of the French, to the point that “Jean-Francois Mary” sounds like a nickname you’d give to a kid who couldn’t throw good. All kidding aside, A 35-hour work week, six weeks of vacation, and the head of the ratings board straight up calls Fifty Shades of Grey “schmaltzy?” Why have we all not moved to France again?
(*little boy walks into apartment, throws beret on couch, dumps his bag of snails in the sink*) Mamá. May I go watch Fifty Shades of Gris, s’il vous plait?
Non, Pierre. Not until you finish all of your wine.
[FOUR HOURS LATER]
(*Pierre, sitting in smoke-filled theater with his friends, passing around carafe of red wine*)
Ziss movie is horrible.
Oui, eez sh*t.
(*long drag of cigarette, continues watching*)