For the past few months, we’ve all lost sleep wondering whether a comedy actor like Jonah Hill could team up with a living legend and jack of all trades like Channing Tatum to resurrect the hit TV show that launched Richard Grieco’s career. Now we can wonder a little less. According to the new red band trailer for 21 Jump Street, Hill and C-Tates play two police academy cadets respectively struggling to pass the physical and academic standards required to become police officers. In fact, I can’t help but be reminded of the 1988 Best Picture winner Feds, starring Rebecca De Mornay and Mary Gross. They sure don’t make classics like they used to.
But I cede my remaining time to the honorable B Boy From ‘Bama, the hardest twerkin’ man in shizzow bizzna$ty, C-Tates, to give us the inside scoop on what you’re about to watch.
Yo girl, check it… lights, camera, YO SH*T IS WHACKTION IT’S C-TATES IN THE MUTHA F*CKIN’ HEEZOUSE! Yo girl, so like, me and J-Hill went to high school 2gether, but he graduated n sh*t cuz he ain’t got no GED like C-Tates. But we keeps it all real, right, and we wanna be cops and clean up the streets so peoples can step to them, heard? But like, we suck, son. Our sh*t is hella weak. So we team up, but they ain’t no fine chicken head between us… just some whack ass drug dealers, feel me? Then Ice Cube shows up and, yo girl, he be all like, “Damn C-Tates u hella smooth, I let you use da n-word” but I was like, Aw hell naw. Sh*t, we laughed for hours, respek.
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I was never going to see this but to find out that Ron Fucking Swanson is the Police Chief. Give me all the bacon and eggs you have, if your picking up what I am putting down.
Am I the only one who doesn’t like Jonah Hill? Like I remember when the fat guy in the comedy movie was you know… funny? He doesn’t even fall down and fart ala Blart.Not a single redeeming quality.
So yeah, they filmed the bike cop scene in the park that’s LITERALLY around the corner from my house and I never once got the opportunity to step correct and serve C-Tates with my wicked dance moves.
#lostopportunities
That kinda looks good, and now I don’t respect myself. Thanks Burnsy. Thanks C-Taints. Maybe if I think of it as a (mild) rip-off of The Other Guys, and I call it “21 Dump Street,” I can get my cynical back on.
It felt like Ron Swanson should have looked at the camera when he said ’21 Jump Street.’
C-Tates’s writing makes me like him and this blog so much more.
C-Tates: Hey, do you want me to burn your dick off errr beat your dick off? Who said anything about burned dicks? I don’t have a burned dick, do you have a burned dick? Why are we talking about dicks that were burned with boiling water?
I’m ashizzamed I LizzOLed more than wizzonce :(
If there’s one reason to see this, it’s Ron Swanson. If there’s another reason, I missed it. Even the jokes about C-Tates’ age are right out of Not Another Teen Movie.
I know this here has B to the Urnsy listed as the writer/poster, but I peep’d dis shizz on that corpulent corporate site Gruntland yesterday?! Where’s a that Vincenzo and why a he no post a this yesterday?!
/yeah, two different voices, so sue me!
Ice Cube looks like he graduated from the Larry Storch School of Acting
New up in the Sky.
The first Feds reference in 15 years – well done sir. Your fact check for the date was the first time anyone has searched for it on imdb since the website’s inception (BRAAAAHM?). Although I think you’re mistaken. Feds’ Oscar wasn’t for Best Picture, it was for “Most Jerked Off To In The Morning Before Class Because It Was Always On Cinemax At 7:30 In The Morning When I Couldn’t Find A Workout Show on ESPN and If You Pretended It Was Risky Business It Worked In A Pinch.” Fun Fact: Tied for most wins in that category with The Three Musketeers.
Looks like C-Tates is getting his ‘middle-aged spread’ a few years early. In five years he’ll probably look like Val Kilmer.
Dave Franco… Stop fucking smiling!!! We get it! You live a cherished life because you’re James Franco’s little brother and that helps you get roles in movies. As Christian Bale would say, “WELLLLLLL GOOOOOOOOOD FOR YOU!”
Also, Jonah Hill? Somebody give that kid a sandwich.