01.27.10 7 years ago 18 Comments

(Eric the Irreverent Dog didn’t clean his glasses either, because Eric just doesn’t give a sh-t.)

Few things are filthier than using your own mouth to feed circulated dollar bills through a stripper’s ass crack, and thanks to James Cameron, you’ve probably already worn one of those filthier things on your face.

I’m speaking, of course, about 3-D glasses at the box office or as I prefer to call them: zit-on-bridge-of-nose goggles. With the success of Avatar, 3-D attendance has obviously boomed in recent weeks, but what the hell happens to your Paul Pfeiffer spectacles after you’ve dropped them in the return bin?

They usually get washed or recycled (that’s cool, I usually don’t return your glasses anyway. -Ed.)…Reusable glasses are generally collected in trays and then cleaned in a dishwasherlike machine. [slate.com]

Oh cool, so what you’re telling me is that generally speaking, theaters usually will have a clean pair for me to wear…usually, of course, generally speaking.

IMAX Corporation has its own, proprietary washers that exhibitors are required to use on-site. Dolby Laboratories demands that theaters use a commercial-grade dishwasher. XpanD Cinema says that most of their exhibitors use commercial dishwashers, too, but that any kind of dishwasher and detergent is fine as long as temperature is kept below 140 degrees and you use a nonammonia cleanser.

Wait, wait, wait, a f–king dishwasher? What you’re telling me is that my 3-D bifocals are getting washed alongside the nacho trays? Sexy.

XpanD also says that some of its exhibitors, like the Cinerama Dome in Hollywood, have a staff member hand-clean each pair with a cloth and some light soap, whereas others choose not to clean the glasses at all—instead, they hand out individual disinfecting wipes to each customer.

Haha, oh man, sucks to be you “hand-clean each pair with a cloth and some light soap” lackey. You should have stayed in night school with my mother. I especially enjoyed the second half of that sentence, the portion where I’m told to believe that an Avatard will be responsible enough to wipe their own goggles with a disinfecting cloth. Mind you that an Avatard’s hands spend the majority of their perspiration-soaked day fondling their tendrils, so that right there is already pretty sanitary.

Look, I’m a real man, baby: I don’t mind the greasy residue left behind on my face or even the fact that a kid with shingles probably wore them yesterday, just so long as no one is farting into my goggles, I’m cool with that. Because everybody knows, pinkeye is for the weak and timid.

note: youtube clip is not fuzzy, it’s just that you’re not wearing the 3-D glasses I supplied you, retard.


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