Merry Ludacristmas, motherf*ckers, 5 Fast 5 Furious has a trailer. Walker, Diesel, and Tyrese are back, teaming up with Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Ludacris, and probably a couple random sluts for the disappointingly-named 5i5th installment of the series, Fast Five. Hijacking moving trucks? Nah, son. This time we TOWIN’ HUGE BANK SAFES WITH OUR CARS! HIT THE N0S! PUT ON THE GROUND EFFECTS! IT’S TIME FOR CAR PORN AND PARKOUR! OOH WHA AH AH-AH, CARKOUR!!!!
SPOILER ALERT!!! (SERIOUSLY, SPOILERS EVERYWHERE UP IN THIS BITCH, MOSTLY ATTACHED TO THE BACKS OF CARS TO MAKE THEM GO FASTER)
In a movie like The Town or The Social Network, the movie characters say clever things all the time and even though no one actually believes real people talk like that, we accept it because we kind of wish we did. Fast and the Furious is like that, but aimed at a really stupid guy who went to your high school.
TYRESE: “This just went from Mission Impossible… to Mission In-Freakin-Sanity.”
Haha, good one, Tyrese, put that in your reel.