A new high-water mark in Spielberg ass-kissery

11.03.11 6 years ago 30 Comments

Steven Spielberg has two movies coming out within four days of each other come Christmas-time, but thanks to a series of special advance screenings around the country, early word is already starting to trickle out. Now, as I’ve pointed out before, kissing Steven Spielberg’s ass is almost a cottage industry in Hollywood. How else to explain Indiana Jones 4‘s 77% rottentomatoes rating? He just lisps in on his palatine carried by JJ Abrams and Kurtzman/Orci, sprinkles fairy dust on everyone, and they completely abandon all critical faculties. As common as it is to ladle on the sycophantic praise, I think this guy still deserves points for panache.

Excerpt from an early review from MovieVu (via Slashfilm):

“War Horse” is as flawless a film as we’ve ever seen from the director. Seeing something as brutal, terrible, and human as war through the innocent eyes of a noble horse is an ambitious form of storytelling, and Spielberg completely pulls it off as being something honest and authentic. I felt each emotion as if I was a marionette, manipulated by Spielberg’s strings. It’s odd. This isn’t the work of the Spielberg we’ve come to know in the last decade. This is back to basics. This is the Spielberg we had from the 70′s to the early 90′s: powerful, gutsy, honest, and effective.

When all is said and done, “War Horse” is beautiful to behold in its celebration of the good in people through its aura of simplistic-yet-authentic humanity. What is all so utterly fascinating is how Spielberg captures the humanity of war: through the entrancing black abysses of a majestic horse’s eyes.

Jeez, I can’t tell if he wants to f*ck Spielberg or the horse. Though it’s true that horses are the noblest of animals. That’s why you see them wearing shoes while cats and dogs just run through the house barefoot like savages. HAVE SOME MANNERS, DOG! WHAT WERE YOU, BORN IN A BARN?

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