A Scientific And Definitive Ranking Of The Stars Of ‘Mean Girls’ Post- ‘Mean Girls’ Careers

As you may have heard by now, the iconic Lindsay Lohan-Tina Fey teenage comedy Mean Girls  turns ten today (!!!!). What’s most notable about Mean Girls is that almost all of the young stars still have fairly notable, if not successful careers — even though just about all of them aside from Lohan were virtually unknown prior to the film.

So instead of putting some kind of “where are they now,” I thought in this case it would be more appropriate to rank the careers of the core Mean Girls cast based on highlights and low-lights, which I then have tabulated to produce a 1-10 ranking to see which cast members have been the most successful by UPROXX standards. Here we go!

Jonathan Bennett (Aaron Samuels)

Career Highlights: Uhh, it looks like he was in a couple of episodes of Veronica Mars during the 2004-2005 television season?

Career Low-Lights: His IMDB page is a veritable who’s-who of TV movies I’ve never heard of, and he also had a part in Van Wilder: Freshman Year. I guess plus side: At least he’s been consistently working?

Overall Ranking: 2.4

Daniel Franzese (Damian)

Career Highlights: Looks like a bunch of low budget indie flicks over on IMDB and straight-to-DVD stuff. Bonus points for writing a sweet coming out letter to his Mean Girls alter-ego Damian.

Career Low-Lights: I Spit on Your Grave (2010). Ick, really dude?

Overall Ranking: 2.9

Lacey Chabert (Gretchen Wieners)

Career Highlights: Maxim cover girl in November 2013. Since Mean Girls, other than a TV movie here and there, she’s done almost entirely voice-over work — which is tragic for obvious reasons.

Career Low-Lights: Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3: Viva La Fiesta! (2012).

Overall Ranking: 3.2

Lindsay Lohan (Cady Heron)

Career Highlights: It hasn’t been all Peanut Butter ‘N Sh*t with Lohan, since her downward spiral didn’t really start spiraling until a year or two following the release of Mean Girls. Let’s remember: Herbie Fully Loaded (2005), A Prairie Home Companion (2006), Georgia Rule (2007), and a critically acclaimed stint on Ugly Betty in 2008.

Career Low-Lights: I Know Who Killed Me, (2007) Labor Pains, (2009) Liz & Dick, (2012) The Canyons, (2013) guest-starring roles on Anger Management, (2013) 2 Broke Girls, (2014) her Oprah reality show, and pretty much her entire personal life which I’m counting because it’s impossible to not weigh that into the factors of her overall career trajectory.

Overall Ranking: 4.8

Rachel McAdams (Regina George)

Career Highlights: Rachel McAdams post-Mean Girls career has been mostly synonymous with weepy chick flick fare, and since I guess the Nicholas Sparks bullcrap technically falls under “highlights,” being box office successes and whatnot: The Notebook (2004) and The Vow (2012). Wedding Crashers (2005), The Time Traveler’s Wife (2009), Sherlock Holmes (2009), Midnight in Paris (2011).

Career Low-Lights: Red Eye, (2005) State of Play (2009) — only because I’m told her entire role in that movie was “shut up and let the grownups talk.”

Overall Ranking: 6.6

Amanda Seyfried (Karen Smith)

Career Highlights: Alpha Dog (2006), series regular on Veronica Mars (2004-2006), and Big Love (2006-2011). Mamma Mia! (2008),  Les Misérables, (2012), Lovelace (2013).

Career Low-Lights: Red Riding Hood (2011) and the ensemble dud The Big Wedding (2013).

Overall Ranking: 7.3

Lizzy Caplan (Janis Ian)

Career Highlights: UMM, LET’S SEE. A stint on True Blood in 2008 which was especially appreciated by male viewers, playing the amazing Casey Klein on Party Down (2009-2010). I haven’t seen it yet but Save the Date (2012) also stars Alison Brie and Martin Starr so I can’t see how that could go wrong, stints on New Girl in 2012 as Nick’s girlfriend Julia, and The League in 2013 as Rebecca Ruxin, and — oh, hello, — the critically acclaimed Masters of Sex. Lizzy Caplan can do no wrong.

Career Low-Lights: OK maybe she can do a little wrong. See: My Best Friend’s Girl (2008), a Dane Cook-Kate Hudson movie. (Makes this face.)

Overall Ranking: 9.7

Tina Fey (Ms. Norbury)

Career Highlights: Rather than type it all out, I’m just going to refer you to Ms. Fey’s IMDB page.

Career Low-Lights:

Overall Ranking: 10.0 Perfect score, bitches!

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