Al Pacino’s first commercial could’ve been so much better

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Senior Editor
07.13.10 28 Comments

Al Pacino has broken down and filmed the first commercial of his career, an ad for Australia’s Vittorio Coffee for director Barry Levinson, who directed Pacino in the Kevorkian biopic You Don’t Know Jack. It’s not quite as embarrassing as Marisa Tomei doing a Bertolli commercial with Dan Cortese, or as pathetic as Orson Welles mumbling about wine, but there’s still something kind of… icky about it.  Assorted dialog:

In the morning when you’re making a movie, you get up real early.  So you need all the help you can get.  When I’m reading the script, when I’m rehearsing — coffee goes with my line of work.

Most of my scripts have coffee stains on them.  That’s how you know it’s a Pacino script.

…This is good coffee.

Yuck, misdirected gravitas. Gives me gas.  And Levinson is a hack.  This is how the commercial should’ve gone:

Close up on Vittoria Coffee logo.

We pull back to reveal AL PACINO just as he’s about to take a sip.


He takes a sip.  His eyes light up, and he immediately slams the cup down back in its saucer.

PACINO
HOO AH!  That’s a good god d*mn cuppa CAWFEE!

He sees an attractive lady walking by, so he grabs her butt with both hands.

PACINO
GRRRREAT ASS!

She turns around and slaps him, then walks away.

PACINO
(slipping into Tony Montana)  Beetch.  Lesbian.

Fin.

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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